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BIKES!

By _aPerson_ - 22/04/2016 15:58 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I lost the key to my bike lock. I ended up having to cut it off, even though it was brand new. After spending 30 minutes hacking away at it, it finally came off. When I hopped onto my bike, I felt something poking my leg. My key was in my pocket the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 840

You deserved it 20 965

By Charli - 13/08/2018 22:37

Today, after months of my (now ex) boyfriend telling me he wished I was blonde with big boobs, I finally retaliated with "I wish you were a redhead with a big dick, but you don't see me complaining." He cried and said I should love him for who he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 758

You deserved it 348

By laughing-stock - 02/09/2013 21:40 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was telling my brother about how my new colleagues and I don't share a sense of humour. He replied, "What, you mean they don't pretend to laugh at your jokes like everybody else?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 950

You deserved it 6 027

Most good songs are

By Cicie - 27/01/2017 10:06 - United States - Weatherford

Today, I discovered that one of my favourite, relatable sad songs is actually a song about gay sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 679

You deserved it 1 928

By Alaska - 29/10/2015 03:35 - United States

Today, I was taking a poop when I heard a window in my house break. Then, I heard things dropping upstairs. I decided to stay in the bathroom, which has a lock, and called the cops. Turns out it was just a bird that was trying to get at my fish in the fish tank that I have in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 900

You deserved it 2 530

Expensive hobby

By astalkerindeed - 16/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 728

You deserved it 6 491

Estranged

By assdialed. - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my dad, who I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but he did leave me an accidental voicemail, saying, "Oh shit, I didn't mean to call her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 372

You deserved it 2 712

By Anonymous - 08/10/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 249

You deserved it 7 982

By Oblivious - 25/09/2009 01:19 - United States

Today, I fell off my desk chair. Why? I failed to notice that the screws I'd been finding on the floor around my room for the past few months belonged to said chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 518

You deserved it 32 032

Thanks, I guess…

By smyp - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Lithuania - Vilnius

Today, I was let go from my job, because I'm "progressing too quickly and there's no promotions available" and I "can find a better place to work at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 956

You deserved it 2 316

By yapDogs - 10/05/2015 01:43 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, I sent a $120 bouquet of flowers for mother's day. When I called tonight see if my Mom got them, she replied that they were still on the doorstep because she "didn't want the dogs to get excited and start barking" when she opened the front door to bring them in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 885

You deserved it 2 392

By TCRII - 13/06/2018 15:52

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 531

You deserved it 404

Balls

By onehitwonder - 10/02/2011 07:26

Today, it snowed a lot and my friends and I went outside for a walk. Someone drove by and threw a snowball at me, hitting me square in the face. Surprised, I side-stepped only to end up losing balance and roll down a hill into a ditch full of prickly bushes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 915

You deserved it 3 805

By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Spicy

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 770

You deserved it 10 865

Not feeling it

By thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Spicy

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 906

You deserved it 1 380

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2016 10:05

Today, my girlfriend contacted me. She said she'd thought over her feelings over our temporary break in the relationship, and she wanted to try again. Being my stupid, self-loathing self, I asked her so many questions on if she was sure or not that she went back into doubt and revoked the offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 561

You deserved it 11 556

By rejectedprobably - 18/07/2016 23:06 - United States - Zionsville

Today, I asked one of my teachers to write me a letter of recommendation for my top school. Even though I did fairly well in their class, I found out that they don't think that I'm very intelligent, but my "strong, work ethic" makes up for it. They mentioned it in the letter and submitted it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 413

You deserved it 1 164

Awkward...

By What’sGoingOn - 26/03/2018 05:00

Today, I accidentally sent a dick pic to my coach instead of my girlfriend. He sent one back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 247

You deserved it 6 236

By windsoffate - 09/06/2016 16:46 - United States - Portland

Today, as I was getting ready for work, I heard a noise almost like someone was puking all over the bathroom floor. When I went to check, my 14-year-old son was puking all over the bathroom floor. The toilet, however, was pristine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 675

You deserved it 963

Not good enough

By Ophelia - 08/06/2016 04:05 - United States - Hudson

Today, a realtor came to take a look at my house. I had worked all morning to make it look lovely. When they took pictures, I explained a number of ways I could change things so everything would look as good as possible. After the house tour, they told me it should be bulldozed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 911

You deserved it 1 083

By Anonymous - 01/05/2015 20:02 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, a drunk man started yelling at the lamppost outside my house, demanding to be let inside, all while my neighbors watched. That man is my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 387

You deserved it 2 473

By Anonymous - 02/01/2009 04:34 - France

Today, I marked 600 emails in my gmail inbox as spam and it will take me hours to go through and unmark them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 101

You deserved it 27 926

All you need is hate

By Stepmotherfucker - 23/03/2016 06:32 - Ukraine

Today, my stepmother started talking to me after a month of the silent treatment. When I asked her what I had done wrong, she replied, "Nothing, but do you know that feeling when you look at someone and you just want to choke them?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 216

You deserved it 1 563

By rowanjusmc - 26/10/2011 04:31 - United States

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 108

You deserved it 5 147

By Anonymous - 05/02/2017 04:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 532

You deserved it 1 329

Avoidance tactics

By busrides - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 102

You deserved it 5 835

By Denise1988 - 10/11/2015 17:35 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 253

You deserved it 1 842

Denise1988 tells us more.

Denise1988 13

Sunday 15 November 2015 6:25

The little stinker is only 9 months old and while his stench was quite atrocious that day, I wish they hadn't rushed off so soon. The event was outside and it was a breezy day. I have no problem with him doing his thing, I just wished the women had at least come back and tried to include me in their conversations. We moved away from our home state two years ago and I've had a hard time meeting new friends, it's so hard as an adult. I hope it's easier the next time we move.

What a mug

By Muina - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Morocco - Meknes

Today, I got mugged for my phone. I stupidly offered to give the guy my money if he'd let me keep my phone. He took both. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 490

You deserved it 24 815

By htx91 - 13/12/2016 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 712

By justwantsomeillusionofjustice - 14/08/2017 16:00 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I stumbled across my school bully on Facebook. She's a successful business owner and engaged to be married. I can't land a job and am hopelessly single. The b***h that served as the catalyst for my depression and suffered no repercussions is getting married on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 178

You deserved it 741

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The Top

The Top

Today, I have a massive headache, thanks to my asshat of a roommate, who decided to balance our tea kettle on the top of the kitchen door. When I stumbled into the kitchen, half-awake, it came smashing down onto my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 2 050

Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 584

Today, I slipped on my son's Hot Wheels cars and fell onto a building made out of Lego. I now have a fractured tailbone and a broken wrist. I called my husband to tell him what happened and all he could do was laugh. My son didn't leave them on the floor, my husband did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 218

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 313

Today, I realized how lazy my daughter truly is when I saw her shivering under a thin blanket on top of her perfectly made bed. I asked why she didn’t just climb under her covers to sleep warm and comfortable. She said that this way she doesn’t have to make up her bed every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 241

Today, I was out of town but saw the Ring camera footage of a woman dragging my wife out of our house by her hair and beat the brakes off her on the front lawn. The woman was the mother of the girl our daughter had been bullying. When confronted, our daughter laughed and said, "Oh well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 484