Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up to my balls being sucked on. Unfortunately, it was by a mosquito. I hate the summer. FML
Today, after good sex, we were lying in bed, just hugging and stroking each other, when the moment was ruined by a mosquito biting my nipple. I swatted it and we tried to get back to feeling good when another mosquito bit my husband right on the tip of his penis. Moment well and truly over. FML
Today, an ant bit my penis. That was the first 'mouth' to ever touch it. FML
Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML
Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML
Today, I had the house to myself so I lay on my bed with a porno for some me time. I was just about to begin when I felt a sting. A mosquito bit me right on the shaft. I’m allergic to mosquitos, so now I’m sweating, covered in hives and my knob is swollen in a very bad, not fun way. FML
Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML
Today, the mosquito infestation is so bad that multiple mosquitoes sucked the blood out of the steak I was grilling and promptly died on top of it. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
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Top comments
goldered 2
Stop bragging on fml. It's inconsiderate of other people who get no action.
monkeywrench1 10
hey! at least something sucking it ;)
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Comments (262)
thetrollyoulike 6
no but he ran out of peanut butter for his dog
Got_any_grapes1 4
So? I would never do that, a lot of people with any class just like me would find that discusting. So don't complain.
joa76 3
1. It's spelled "disgusting." There is no such word as "discusting." 2. Do you mean you find oral sex disgusting? And that it's, apparently, because you have "class"? I hate to tell you this, but far classier people than yourself do it on a regular basis. It was considered weird and possibly gross a few decades ago, but is now considered normal and even expected. Unless you mean sucking on it like a mosquito, in which case, yeah, that would be pretty disgusting.
XxGuard 0
Too bad. Have more self control.
larisonr 4
The good news being only female mosquitoes suck blood, so you're definitely not gay for this.
larisonr 4
The good news being only female mosquitoes suck blood, so you're definitely not gay for this.
HugMyNutz 0
this made my year, after hours i still can't stop laughing
kdcooper84 0
"There's a skeeter on my Peter get it off"
BAMF519 0
y do u have a tiny penis
Onyxlove9 0
ahahaha xD
FatMan23 10
Those Alaska mosquitoes are big enough to suck your dick after they're done feeding off it so..............