Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
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Top comments
Trembelwick 5
Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!
xii_clueless 0
Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]
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Comments (301)
Snafuusmc 12
Semper Fi...
MDTeddy 13
You should have told your gf. Also, If you have to be afraid of her parents then you should stay away. That guy is crazy and he would go to jail if he actually did what he said. He is psycho.
Candice0687 0
Eh don't take it took personal all dad's say stuff like that, my dad took his guns out and would "clean"them every time I brought I guy home to meet him. He's just over protective but to be on the save side don't piss her dad off.
khaya 9
So when are you going to propose?
docscientist 10
Unless you do something absolutely horrible to her, I don't think you need to fear for your dick, unless of course the dad really is psychotic.
jojoboy 0
Haha 39! That was better than the FML
spacemanspiff78 7
FORMER Marine, not ex.
sweetzombie88 0
Someday if and when you have a daughter you'd understand that. Imagine loving somebody more than anything and everything. Now imagine some breaking that persons heart. I'm super protective of my pets. Couldn't imagine how I'd be if I had a child. Probably like her dad. He's doing what a good father should do.
ehllychan 10
No, he's doing what an over-protective, controlling and territorial father does. All he's going to manage with that is break his daughter's heart by himself as he scares off all the guys she tries to date, and make her into a prick that thinks she can do whatever she wants to guys, since all she has to do is come home with fake tears and daddy will make everything go her way. The girl has to learn how to deal with and take responsibility for her own choices, specially in relationships.
yahoowizard 16
I'm buying a shotgun if i have a daughter, just for situations like these
redmoon123 0
I did the same thing except I not a dad I am a older brother nd I told him that I rip out every tooth he had and than shove my foot up his ass