Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. As I went to shake her dad’s hand, my nervous, sweaty palm slipped right off and I ended up tapping him on the wrist. He gave me the most judgmental look while I awkwardly apologized and wiped my hand on my pants. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my first time meeting my girlfriend's dad ended with him chasing me from his house and trying to hit me with a baseball bat. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I was meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time. When I went to shake her dad's hand, I broke his watch. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's mom for the first time. I introduced myself and went to shake her hand. She looked me up and down and said, "I don't shake hands with whores." FML
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Top comments
BRLHP 24
Sounds like he really likes ya.
jojo66567 5
sounds like a real nutcracker
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Comments (184)
BRLHP 24
Sounds like he really likes ya.
camsterjoe 12
Oh don't worry, threats are just how he expresses his love.
Misswildsides 22
This can be a good chance to prove to the dad that what he might think about OP is wrong.
BellaBelle_fml 23
61 - I don't think that her father necessarily had any prejudices against OP. He was simply making sure that OP knew just how seriously he takes his daughter's well being and happiness.
sens3sfailing 25
Is it bad that I dream of one day being a father that strikes this much fear into the heart of the teenage boys my daughter brings home?
wlddog 14
125 No. Nothing wrong with that at all. I myself look forward to crushing the fantasies of my daughters future boyfriends. If you make the first one piss his pants, the rest will think twice about using my daughter as just another person to add to their belt.
Fsvb 32
I think it's really strange these fathers do that. How about making sure your daughter picks out good guy, you know, raise her to be a smart woman?
Ainarr 29
I'd hate to think what the mom said.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
They are just scare tactics. Although the parent would be upset if their kid got hurt, legally they couldn't do anything about it.
Kkkdawg 27
Um, since when have legalities prevented anyone from hurting people?
teareb 9
Who cares if it's illegal parents will do a lot of things for their children no matter the consequences.
1PersonIsMyWorld 22
Oh ok my bad... Ya they could retaliate then go to jail then completely miss out on their child's life altogether. That route just makes so much more sense and has a shit ton more logic to it.
gc327072 31
74- People never do things that are illegal! Just the other day a guy pulled a gun on me, and this is how it went down: "but you can't shoot me, that's illegal!" "Aw shit you're right!" *puts gun away* "well can I slap you?" "No, that's assault." "Well what can I do?" "Cursing isn't illegal." "WELL **** YOU KIND SIR."
MarisaCB 16
Yeah... words of advice? Don't hurt his daughter..
AugustBurnsToast 14
Or start wearing a cup haha.
AugustBurnsToast 14
That is... just in case you somehow do hurt her.
lilhellian 27
I don't think a cup would help if ops balls were in his hands...
ICastillo 25
All OP needs to do is say Chuck Norris is his uncle, and the dad will back off.
xblair 11
73 - your picture is so cute!!!
jojo66567 5
sounds like a real nutcracker
jimbob_76592 5
Zing!!
GoodLookingGeese 10
-Bazinga-
ICastillo 25
Ba dum Tsss!
_krystallynn_ 11
nut crusher.
Paco_el_Taco 17
I've heard of blue balls before but not black & blue balls.
AKGirlinSD 20
Most women have heard of black and blue balls before. It's a line from Sex and the City, the show.
happle 21
Sex and the City is crap. Yes, I am a girl.
AKGirlinSD 20
I never said I liked the show; I had two female roommates, both 5 years older than me, that constantly watched it. I don't even know what episode it was on because I was doing the dishes and only heard it. That was back in 2003. But just like people can't sense sarcasm on this site, they also love to assume. This site just got a million more times entertaining to me. Thanks!
sens3sfailing 25
You, my friend, just committed a hypocrisy. At no point did they say that you liked sex and the city, but made their feelings of the show known. You were not mentioned, you assumed that they were saying you had bad taste in tv, then criticized them for making assumptions they didn't make based off of assumptions you made...hypocrisy is one of the few things I cannot stand!
mecreys 7
127 every single person is a hypocrite.
andyyroxx 20
You're a hypocrite.
Cbizzlez 10
Well the obvious solution is to have sex with her constantly and tell him about how happy she is about it
ThatGuyWhoTalks 10
Hi
AKGirlinSD 20
At least you know her father respects and loves her more than anything else in the world. That isn't so common these days. If you treat her right, you've got nothing to worry about. P.S.: If you two have a fight, keep it between you two and no one else. Otherwise, you both will be known as the drama couple and no one likes to hang out with the drama couple.
TurtleSmile 14
And that if he wants to keep his balls attached to his body he can't break up with her ever.
AKGirlinSD 20
I think he can if goes about it appropriately (not via a text), I think he will be able to keep his balls.
doodlecloud 27
Loves her maybe, but I don't think threatening her boyfriend is really very respectful of her. I know dad's are rarely ever okay with their little girls dating but I don't get why they always seem to have to be such brutes about it. It's not exactly the basis of a healthy relationship which I'm assuming he wants his daughter to have either.
wlddog 14
139 It is called weeding out the unworthy. If daddy turns up the heat right away, his daughter will find out pretty darn fast if 'boyfriend' like her for her or if he is just trying to het into her pants. Its called being a good dad. We may not always make perfect sense to you, but we have our reasons.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
Well... That doesn't give the father an excuse to be a ******* asshole.
wlddog 14
173 Its called turning up the heat. So it kind of does.
fury1031 10
No it doesn't
mpsteve137 15
Hmmm... I can't wait to be a dad
dalink 24
Start making a list, so you don't forget the lines that instill real fear.
outoftown 27
Beats showing you his shotgun collection ;)
klutz44 28
Shotgun collection is for date #2. Dad has to keep up his image.