Today, a doctor squeezed so much cheese out of a huge lump on my nutsack, for a second I was convinced he’d poked a hole in my bollock and was squeezing out my baby-making juice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML
Today, a customer smiled, looked me in the eye and described to me in graphic detail the swelling that occurred to his nuts after his vasectomy. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours in the emergency room for what I thought was heavy bloody diarrhea. After having various implements and doctors' fingers shoved up my ass, it turns out I was only shitting out the family-sized bag of red spicy cheese curls I had eaten for lunch. FML
Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML
Today, I was lucky to have an extremely attractive doctor operating on me. This would have been great had he not been removing a foreign object from my vagina after an ill-fated masturbation session. FML
Today, I spent a good 30 seconds licking my husbands' penis all over before I drew back his foreskin to really start going to town on it, only to discover that under the head was covered in his stinking knob cheese. I threw up three times. He’s an adult man and can’t wash himself properly. Pig. FML
Today, I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection. It’s been 3 hours since I’ve been home and my husband won’t stop referring to me as "cheddar puss". FML
Today, I was diagnosed with a clogged milk gland. I am not, nor have ever been, pregnant and therefore have also never breastfed. This condition is caused by my boyfriend's over-active urge to suck on my nipples. I'm in horrible pain, and he won't stop laughing. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I'm going to have to throw out my considerable collection of EZ Cheese! Thanks, I can't possibly eat it anymore.
poopface82 25
Ummm…could have done without that mental image, though I’m sure you could have done without having to go through that.
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Comments (4)
poopface82 25
Ummm…could have done without that mental image, though I’m sure you could have done without having to go through that.
RichardPencil 32
I'm going to have to throw out my considerable collection of EZ Cheese! Thanks, I can't possibly eat it anymore.
Dirtysalamander1 13
thats what grossest you out? that's a cap. nothing grossest you out.
SirEnigM0nk 22
As Cleveland would say, "That's nasty."
Taurus_ChicKa 37
What in God's name did I just read???