Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
Today, my parents met my boyfriend, and to say it went badly is an understatement. My mom went outside to relax by chain smoking and the shouting, and the screaming only ended when my dad took my boyfriend by the scruff of the neck and threw him out the front door into the street. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
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Top comments
yusaku02 20
Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)
K_kanaka 26
The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)
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Comments (173)
yusaku02 20
Sounds like your dad just cares about you a lot. It's a good thing ;)
kiran_fml 5
as scary-sounding as it was I still said "aw, how sweet"
Jakesterk96 8
Don't worry, it's just between him and your dad's plot to scare him. If he dumps you, he's not worthy.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
If your boyfriend stays with you, you know your dads got doing something right :)
GuardianxCore 0
My brother is like that :)
thebeautybleeds 17
A good thing until her boyfriend leaves the country.
honeysuckel 0
your dad is so cruel and vicious I would never let him near my animals he might choke them or something If he would do this to your boyfriend he seriously need sykeatrick help because that's not normal to think or have at all I only say this for the best ok just be careful when ur around him he might snap like a shell and ur boyfriend should flee the country as well
thatKidzmOm 10
122-ever heard of punctuation? I got a little confused trying to read your comment. But I think I've figured it out.
Idonebeenhad 17
"only to hear the words 'sex-crazed f*ck' and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me." For your boyfriend's sake, let's hope neither of you like it rough.
freelove_fml 2
122, "sykeatrick" made my day.
periwinkle95 10
122's comment looks a little like this: DisosienendjdksoaoaosksjejkdxiifnsenOMGjdkkskwnedndjksDADjdxkisekendnCRUEL jdkdkskedbbdnxkzANIMALSjdjdixnsndndjkxisksnfnxnzkksksdkkxkdksppapwpqekrnfk kdosoalslskdSYKEATRICKajpspspwpqpeirjdmnfkspaoe. That was a little stupid. Here come the thumbs downs!
I_See_Purple_Ppl 0
122- not only do you need punctuation help you also need to learn how to use spell check.
jmalaer 5
Come on guys, be nice, you must really need some sykeatrick help if you're going to make fun of someone over a few punctuation errors .
BeachBoi_Alex 7
1 that is bullshit, fine he cares, but the poor boyfriend, how the **** can their relationship progress with that kind of fear going on, any sexual stuff is between HER and the BOYFRIEND, not her ******* dad. Some parents need to learn to get a ******* life sometimes.
endrance217 5
I agree. As disturbing as it sounded that your father was willing to stick bamboo shoots under the guy's fingernails if he ever tried to hurt you, at least he was being protective. Could be worse... Could be a dad sitting outside cleaning a shotgun and then loading it as he steps into the house.
friedpwnadge 25
22 thumbs up. Surprise mothafucka!
K_kanaka 26
The good news is your dad cares about you and wants to protect you. The bad news is your boyfriend may now be scared shit less and may be considering the option to break up with you, and running away to another country so he won't be murdered by that psychotic killer that is you father . But if your boyfriend does stay by your side then you know he is a keeper. :)
laurrnnn 3
or he's scared of what will happen if he breaks up with her and can't leave the country
downtime 13
3, Or he likes to stick it to other peoples parents who think they can tell him what to do. Realistically, if all he cares about is getting in her pants he will stick around because he wouldn't give a crap about the father. Conversely, someone who may want to stick around for a relationship would obviously be constantly uncomfortable around such a twat of a father and may consider it too much of a risk staying around such a volatile person for such a long time.
TheNewGuy03 29
...and subsequently have revving chainsaws taken to your family treasures. REBELLION IS NOT AN OPTION. |the kid|
ChucktheNorris 0
If he flees the country, leave it to me. I'll be waiting for him.
lindon555 0
Wow.... That sucks. U should tell ur BF that he shouldn't worry and that he was just over exaggerating
DrMime 10
Ooh bamboo?! Sounds like your dad has some CrAzY ideas! I suggest giving your boyfriend the ol' Vietnamese war prisoner treatment. Hell! Even McCain endulged in it so much that he can barely use his arms! It's a miracle he still has hairless palms and crystal clear vision...
chili10 18
I thought my father was exaggerating.. Until...
XxHoPPoxX 8
My dad punched my dog to death....
TheLoneWolf87 4
I took a **** to the ass. Trolzor :P
anitriarose 5
159 - wait, what
salsa324 0
OUCH THAT WOULD HURT
Justforlolz 14
EXPLAIN TO ME WHY YOU ARE USING ALL CAPS. THAT SHIT IS ******* ANNOYING AND MAKES ME THINK THAT YOU ARE YELLING.
kickboxingchick 5
Hence the threat part..
salsa324 0
Dude what's your problem no need to be all pissy!
salsa324 0
What I'm try to say is that would hurt and yeah sorry I didn't notice my caps was on.
demonmonkey 13
No shit Sherlock
salsa324 0
Holmes!
XxHoPPoxX 8
Worst movie "Calvin" ?
11up 14
How about those Broncos? haha but really that is too bad about your dad. But seriously, Tebow fans finally have to shut up
Pelreskovich 11
Boyfriend of two weeks seems a little early to me.. But your father is protective, in today's world.. Probably doesn't hurt.
IKickPuppiesHard 16
Bamboo shoots under your nails doesn't hurt? Your the manilest man ever.
yusaku02 20
They meant it doesn't hurt to have a protective father.
CVeNgineer 0
16 I don't think he was referring to the bamboo when he said "probly doesn't hurt"
IKickPuppiesHard 16
Obviously.
IKickPuppiesHard 16
Idiotic comment huh? Well isn't that an adorable needless little insult.
CVeNgineer 0
Your username is a needless little insult
downtime 13
35, The word obvious exists for a reason. Like for example if I were to say "obvious sarcasm". Please stop attempting to change definitions of well established words.
IKickPuppiesHard 16
My username though? Really?? We moved to attempting to insult usernames? LMAO! Ok ya got me! I bow to your unrivaled vicious username assault! I'm bored here.
Furrywhiplash 14
61- I'm glad you're bored, because that means you will GTFO. Really, the comment section is a better place without imbeciles like yourself.
CVeNgineer 0
61, well you started it :|
philipino 24
65- he has his good moments, just this wasn't one of them. So we should all stop being assholes. Or something. I don't fuuucking knooooooow
Furrywhiplash 14
71- Lose a little bit of your composure at the end? Made me chuckle though. This thread needed a comment like yours to settle things down..
floopyflooper 2
If it weren't for trolls would FML comments be any fun to read?
2ndSucks 15
112- Without trolls, the comment section would simply be full of logical responses and it would lack petty internet fights. So no, it would then be incredibly boring.
miz_kamakazi 11
Wow this thread went up, down, and around. Made for a very interesting read. Love it!
delilah09 6
What is this " troll " of whom you speak of?
philipino 24
171- 'Tis me. But I am not sure, for I don't fuuuuuuuuckingg knowwww
TheNewGuy03 29
I guess I'd start scanning the yard for bamboo shoots. And start removing them. |the kid|
TheEpic 0
Why do you always write "thekid" after every comment you post? I'm sorry, but i don't think anybody cares what people call you...
IKickPuppiesHard 16
^Keep your assumptions about everyone else to yourself. No one cares.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Because he want's to, is his comment. Lulzies...
Michael_92 20
Actually it's not that uncommon. Makes it slightly more personal. On the forum I frequently visit we do the same. Michael
Justforlolz 14
Yea, but I don't think FML is a forum.
Dracoboxer357 36
......And in one brutal comment, Thelsland just made my top 10 fav commenters. :) PS: Nice/harsh visuals. ;)
THE_A_TEEN 28
TheIsland, you should change |The anger management kid| to |The male KaySL|. |A_TEEN|
TheNewGuy03 29
OK, guys, if you must know, it's not because I absolutely insist on having my pen name popularized via FML. It's something I'd been putting below the other things I've written (poetry, etc.), and naturally, it made the transfer to FML. I'd actually taken it away for some time, but some clamored for me to bring it back. They'd even "corrected" my posts when it wasn't present. Fuckbuckets and cream, I'm a sympathetic sonofabitch. |the kid|
Hyperion11 2
Probably something I would say if I had a daughter.
dhardesty23 8
I would be heading for the hills after that confrontation
Furrywhiplash 14
And that is why you will never get married.
downtime 13
Continuation of 36's comment "...to someone who has an unstable father".
Nosrebor 8
Downtime won't get married either it looks like.
downtime 13
Does it? Oh. You should tell my girlfriend then, because I don't wanna be the one to break that news.
represent116 0
None of you will ever get married if you sit on this website commenting all freaking day.
Omgitsveronica 4
#12 will most certainly get married.
Llama_Face89 34
Pansy
ssnowywinter 0
Well, hopefully your boyfriend is a nice guy who will never have to see your father go through with his threats because he treats you well.