Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
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Top comments
Trembelwick 5
Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!
xii_clueless 0
Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]
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Comments (301)
aldbe 1
Once a Marine, always a Marine. Ydi
skyeyez9 25
At least her dad cares. He knows there are boys out there (not saying you are one of them) that view girls as nothing more than a sex object and can be callous of her feelings and emotions. He is being protective of her the best way he knows how.
lovesthebeach 0
I am on the dads side . I know there are some good guys out there but you hear about the ones that beat the girl and then there is the whole date rape thing . I have to admit that even as a mom I have taken my daughters boyfriends out back and showed them just how well I shoot . I am only five two but the AR15 seems to leave a definite impression .
downtime 13
...You think the prevalence of wife beating and date rape are really that high in boyfriends girls take home? Idiot.
Rxoxdx 0
Well that's why the saying "a family with a father that'll cut ur dick off, is Is one that is truly home" came into place, nvm
kenkelley06 0
No such thing as an ex Marine. Once a Marine, always a Marine. But good choice buddy.
Genry 3
First off, there's is no such thing as a "ex-marine" and two that blows
iloveyou2129 6
hey at least he called u son
stepymac 15
I can under stand that only its most of the adult males in my family the would hunt the I date at the time
KiddNYC1O 22
That's a warning not a threat.
alfred07 18
Relax, it's not like you were planning to break her heart and I imagine the prospect of jail would stop him following through on that threat. He is just doing the fatherly overprotective bit, don't let it rattle you and date his daughter as normal.