Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
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Top comments
Trembelwick 5
Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!
xii_clueless 0
Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]
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Comments (301)
zach8771 3
Time to buy a ring
downtime 13
47, Sure, now if you wouldn't mind also letting me know tomorrows lotto numbers because apparently you have the ability to predict the future.
nancyboy6040 7
Semper fi!!!
wlddog 14
It's a test. A very effective test. I pull my daughters suiters in real close and whisper into their ear, "Anything you do with my daughter, you and I will be doing later.". Then I slap his butt and tell them to be back 30 minutes earlier than I originally said. It motivates the proper environment I want my daughter in. If that doesn't work, I show him the hole behind my shop and tell him it's where I will bury him.
laden_swallow09 35
Huh… I'll have to remember that one. Seems legit.
Pajanimal 1
What an exhausting yet exhilarating evening that would be.
wlddog 14
Ah... The hole was there before the shop was. I'm just too busy to fill it up. Would have to get pretty pissed to actually use the hole.
Pajanimal 1
I meant the first part, for the guy.
bballforward33 10
I bet ur daughters wicked hot
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
Promising future family you got there son lmfao!
PInK_ExCiTeD 7
True that ^^
Raider4life15 2
I had that same kind of feeling today, just not as drastic. Ik how u feel. FYL OP
Adrena_fml 5
I can't wait for my husband to do something like that :)
bootz412 0
And he's an older marine, vietnam era I'm guessing? Then he's really not joking, well if problems do arise end it on good terms talk to her face to face and work something out then you'll keep your penis and probably have alot more respect from her father, good luck OP.
swampbilly 5
Vietnam was a ways back my grandpa fought then, I'd say Iraq? dessert storm?
bootz412 0
My dad was in Vietnam he's in his 50's but I've seen him rip a guys window out of his truck and fracture his face with one hit for brake checking us so I mean he still got it lol
wlddog 14
185 - Your dad is awesome. Tell him thank you for serving.
bootz412 0
He was till he snapped out and almost shot me then went insane and left me stranded but up intill that point he was
j_sheree6121 10
There is no such thing as an ex-marine. Once a marine always a marine. He is a former marine.