Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time. The first thing he did was show me a bullet, then he basically said that if I don't submit to his daughter's every whim, that bullet will end my life. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad. He pointed to two crossed swords above the fireplace and informed me the right one is his, and that if I ever hurt his daughter, he’ll give me a fighting chance by letting me use the left one. This guy thinks he lives in the Middle Ages or something. FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. As I shook her father's hand, he squeezed with an ungodly amount of force, leaned in with a smile, and murmured that my balls will be the next thing he'll crush if his daughter ever complains about me. FML
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents for the first time. Her dad killed and skinned a goat in front of me, while staring at me the whole time. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time, and from what I'd heard he's super strict and uptight. I go in for the firm handshake after introducing myself while looking him in the eyes and I accidentally grabbed his junk. FML
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Top comments
Trembelwick 5
Ex-Marine used Slash on the wild enemy Boyfriend! It was super effective!
xii_clueless 0
Oh the joy of fatherly love ;]
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Comments (301)
Charle0555 4
Or he could call the cops and have her father arrested for threatening to harm him
AAHHHHH 19
Why is this so hated. My health and safety is more important than a girl I barely know
imaghostbusteryo 1
I like his parenting skills.
TheZee 12
29 - WTF 0.0... The man is just looking out for his daughter, charging and suing people isn't the answer to everything -_-!
johnsonj91 0
No such thing as an Ex-marine, once a Marine always a Marine
mdtdnb 7
If he's a Marine, the knife will do fine in a gun fight.
deadman93 8
yes the guy got threatend but mostly we do it for the fun. he wont hurt the kid but my make him think in the future. calling the cops would be to far... and yes ive been threatend too. her dad had a 20 guage and im a fearless guy but then her mom got ahold of it...
InkedPrincess 5
bahahaha that's the best dad EVER! sorry about your bad luck though. just don't be a Dick and you won't lose yours.... Haha
DirtyMike911 0
Why did the super douche with no shirt comment on an FML?
PicklesMcRaptor 0
Just don't break her heart and you'll be fine (: Maybe if she loses interest and she breaks up with you, you'll be out of that situation with your junk.
beast_adh4 6
i agree 40 it what happend to me my friends said if i hurt my friend i was screwed she lost interest so i was safe
shakespearelove 6
Dont you just love it when a father goes all psycho on his daughters bf's? my dad does that to me all the time -.- FYL, OP.
sweetzombie88 0
No not f his life. Trust me I know from experience if you're father... Or even any family member never really cared about you you'd wish you had one who cared that much for you and was protective. I'd have probably been hurt much less than I have if that woulda been the case.