Today, my pubic hairs were poking into my wang. I went to scratch it. Something bit my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML
Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML
Today, being tired of all the shrubbery growing “downstairs”, I decided to give my lady bits a good waxing. So, naturally, I now have a tiny tear in my right labia and I'm scratching my itchy buttcrack with an old toothbrush. FML
Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML
Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML
Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML
Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML
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Top comments
AndyPurdy 31
...wtf... Go take a shower
PaulChristie 13
That makes me feel genuinely sick.
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Comments (98)
ks92 16
That's ******* nasty..
Tripartita 45
"I've got a monster in my pants." "**** off, loser." "No, no, an actual monster! You've gotta help me! Please!"
kenyrabit 25
Ah, he's just being playful. Pet him. He might simmer down.
clawstrophobic 15
Well you live in Australia so it makes sense
Dexter83_fml 17
Could of been a dingo ?
FitFriday 32
I sure as hell hope there wasn't a dingo in his pants
snarkytruth 37
He's looking for a bone and might eat yer baby!
Jennipher Stillwell 11
lmao almost spit out my food ???
hellnosucka 27
The fml reads like a song for some reason. A pretty nasty song to be sure.
oliv34 11
im glad that wasnt just me who heard it
pats2004 17
You might want to check yourself for crabs
ninja712 7
Or pubic lice
weatherxveins 29
Do either of those things actually bit enough to feel it?
OnyxParadox 10
Those are actually the same thing, crabs are just slang for pubic lice.
nobodyer 16
what the ****
pedinhuh 23
Crabs, most definitely.
sousaphonist 14
Well THAT'S an imminent trip to the doctor's office
kripea 14
So this is what is meant by the dangerous Australian bush