WTF is this fresh hell?

Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML

Stained

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

Classic confusion

Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML

Waxing and waning

Today, being tired of all the shrubbery growing “downstairs”, I decided to give my lady bits a good waxing. So, naturally, I now have a tiny tear in my right labia and I'm scratching my itchy buttcrack with an old toothbrush. FML

The passenger

Today, I thought I had a stick stuck in my hair. A very pokey stick. That aggressively bit my face when I tried to get it out of my hair. It was a big ass spider. My face feels like it's been punched. FML

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

Today, I was shaving my underarms, when I heard a noise. I quickly turned my head to see what it was and got the razor caught in my hair. I'm now sporting a very attractive bald patch. FML

Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML