Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
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Comments (250)
reject214 10
LMAO - love the use if the word ''banged''.
SAgirl 23
Wow, ***** much?
lumberjack610 1
Does she have a number?
cudi27 5
Its 911
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Here you go. You may hear a little bit of singing at first, but then she should answer. 772-257-4501
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
It was the RickRoll line! Aw, man mods. You killed my trolling.
kikikimsicles 0
I wouldn't care how old my son was its disrespectful to do that under your parents roof.
ScarletBloom 14
She sounded like she was labeling herself a "rapist".
WildInTheStreets 5
Well now you know that your daughter is so very classy.
sweetmama88 6
I think she is bragging , and really nothing happen, she just wanted to see what reaction her father gave her .
babygirl83150 8
Ooops Daddy... I meant, BUBBLES!
BountyBass 13
You should probably lay low for a while
LuckyLynx7732 5
All girls school? I would say a convent, but I would rather my daughter be a **** than a christian.
JinxedPixie 16
Wow... That's just a messed up comment all together!
white16sox 19
I'm not sure if you're being ignorant or if I completely missed the sarcasm.
Dracoboxer357 36
111- I'm betting ignorant. Many people seem to be when they decide to randomly interject religion into a conversation, IMHO. :p
glittercookies 12
You are this ignorant at age 30?
TheDrifter 24
Some people are just hateful, and religion is one of the easiest targets it seems.
nevereyes 31
I would not be fond of havering a Christian kid ether. Christianity is the one religion I hate and the only religion that I hate the followers of.........and frankly I think it's a religion people need to grow out of, it's the religion of the young and foolish or self righteous.