Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
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Comments (250)
Crystaloo 4
Out of all of the comments I've read I have noticed everyone seems to think she's super young or she wouldn't bother asking her dad for permission for her boyfriend to stay over. While the wording indiciates a younger daughter - who would even want their partner for a sleep over in your parent's house? I'm 23 (and living at home) and be damned if I had my bf over. we couldnt talk or behave how a couple normally would. That being said - if he didn't absolutly remove every shred of personal freedoms she had for that statment - let him come over and embarass her like no other parent in history has. Baby pictures, sheets she pissed on as a child, anything and everything. If her house is their only night venue it isn't as if she can go anywhere else.
white16sox 19
My sister is 21 and married and her and her husband lived here at my parents house for about a year. They moved out once they could afford an apartment.
Crystaloo 4
Out of all of the comments I've read I have noticed everyone seems to think she's super young or she wouldn't bother asking her dad for permission for her boyfriend to stay over. While the wording indiciates a younger daughter - who would even want their partner for a sleep over in your parent's house? I'm 23 (and living at home) and be damned if I had my bf over. we couldnt talk or behave how a couple normally would. That being said - if he didn't absolutly remove every shred of personal freedoms she had for that statment - let him come over and embarass her like no other parent in history has. Baby pictures, sheets she pissed on as a child, anything and everything. If her house is their only night venue it isn't as if she can go anywhere else.
Brutal_Bunny 9
"Aw, honey. As proud as you must be of your soiled ******, I think we need to follow up this conversation with a trip to the clinic."
cudi27 5
Thats what u get when ur daughters a ****
Setion 8
"And that level of immaturity and thoughtlessness is why I'm not letting you have a sleepover with your boyfriend. Besides, do you really want your dad listening in? If not, you're going to have to buy soundproofing first. Me buy it? Hell no, I've done enough because I pay the mortgage." Who she sleeps with is her own choice, but her lack of respect for you and your ground rules is either a teenage rebellion or your failure to enforce them.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
On the next episode of Maury... "I slept with five guys and I don't know who my baby's father is! *sob*"
TheDrudgeChild 4
Watching Maury drove me away from that kind of behavior more than any sex ed class. It shows them how stupid they'll look in front of everyone for doing it.
blackvyper 8
She didn't bang four guys. Four guys banged her, there's a difference.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Well yes there is but if she was the more aggressive parter which she is implying then you are wrong
notepie 6
Wow well I guess it's time to put her in a chastity belt and lock her in her room till she's married!!!
perdix 31
A father can't do anything if a girl wants to be a **** when she's oot and aboot (out and about, for non-Canadians), but he can damn well stop her from being one in his house!
malfanese 6
The oot and about really won me- have an upvo.... Thumbs up. :)
TheDrifter 24
Every town needs a town bicycle, but it bloody well sucks when she's your daughter eh?
slim265 5
If that was my daughter She wouldnt be able to see the light of day until she's 18 and once she's 18 I would disown her
zandalee 20
Nice. Disown your own daughter? Were you perfect as a teen?
Elsan_fml 4
For sex!? Sex is not a crime...
Dracoboxer357 36
87- Really? Disowned? For actually having had sex with more than one person or for boldly throwing it in your face? I wouldn't be impressed if she was my daughter, but I'd still love and acknowledge her. IMHO, disowning a family member is worse than having had sex. :p
slim265 5
Underage sex most definitely is a crime with out the parents consent just so you know
the_true_batman 10
In Canada the age of consent is 16, and only a few years ago it was 14. And even if you're under the age of consent, so long as your partner isn't too much older, it's still legal.