Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
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Comments (250)
ultra_notorious 26
being a parent is tough, feel bad for you
bakedbabe 8
Don't feel bad daddy, many teenage girls are having sex!
RedPillSucks 33
They're also doing drugs, shoplifting, committing armed robbery, etc. That doesn't mean he has to condone it or throw up his hands in dejected failure.
Amazingness2013 0
And many teenage girls are getting pregnant because they can't be smart enough to be on the pill and use a condom when they are having sex!
conor12 5
She is grounded for life right? If that was my daighter id turn my basement into a dungeon and keep her in it
galacticstorm 6
That's quite a cumback
Cryptic17_fml 4
That sir is a funny comment
llama612 27
**** alert also bitch alert! If I was you I would ground her till she was 18 and home school her just to show her you don't take that kinda crap from her. Just sayin.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I think you're overreacting. Just yank her electronics for a month and be done with it.
mdavenport6 4
What's her number I want to be #5
Brizzle164 4
hang the bitch
auspycious 0
I'd be extremely disappointed.
EyeLoveChicken 0
Beat that child... And then give her my number ;)
Epikouros 32
At least you don't have to worry whether your DNA will survive.