Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I gave my 16 year-old step-daughter and her friends a lecture on respecting other people's privacy. Two hours later, I accidentally walked into her room without knocking. She and her friends were giving each other bikini waxes. Now her friends call me "the hypocritical pervert." FML
Today, some girl's mom gave me a load of abuse for endangering her daughter's health. How? By deleting my Facebook account, which caused her to have a serious panic attack. Apparently she thought we were best friends, and that I was ditching her. I'm confused too. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML
Today, in front of the entire family, I yelled at my mom and told her she wasn't a good parent. She responded with, "Well, at least I had friends when I was your age." FML
Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
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Top comments
pistachiopanda 19
Just leave some pamphlets about giving your child up for adoption lying around.
iAlissa 34
You have an immature and shallow daughter.
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Comments (149)
Nyx_fml 23
You obviously didn't give her the PG "The Birds and the Bees" talk.
TheGodDamnJoker 9
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
OP don't take it out on yourself. It's become harder to educate children with all the distractions out there (t.v, Internet, texting, etc..).
MattOnFML 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Dosent it have to be school or work related also? I've never seen a daughter causes her mom of sexual harassment
UNLUCKYyY1037 26
PG= parental guidance
TheCanucklehead 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
PG - WWE NOT PG - Rap MATURE - Bananas. Those things are a source of immature jokes
ryanthecheeseguy 18
#52 That makes zero ******* sense.
nelroca 7
Actually it makes perfect sense ahaha....#52 was just giving examples to explain "sex". Sex Explanation & Ratings (#52 response deciphered): WWE (Sex is like wrestling): PG Rap (Several songs revolve around sex): PG13-17 Bananas (Used to physically demonstrate a phallus): R. I wouldn't consider this that "mature" but it does create several snickers.
random_stuff 15
@ #14--the only reason I didn't up vote your comment is because it already has 69 votes. You just can't mess with that fate, you know? XD
SammyToTheMaxX 7
me too
bradyk42 6
I had to dislike #14 to get it back to 69 :p
LordAres_fml 9
Lost it again somehow but I fixed it too
kevanakaff 9
That's sad
Nevermind212 11
Maybe they have failed as a generation
Alihb 16
Maybe we have failed as a species...
doodlecloud 27
Disagree. It sounds like young teens joking about and saying the kind of stuff teens say on Facebook, especially in response to help from a parent or teacher. That's just how they deal with it, save face and have some fun. I'm sure inside, whilst she probably also knew most of what you said, she learnt some stuff too and is grateful for your input. Or that's how I saw it anyway...
wallandpiece 16
I agree with 70. Stop blaming "this generation". I can't stand people who believe all young people are idiots.
Mossears133 15
Maybe we shouldn't judge a huge group of people based on a couple dumbass teenagers.
sematariux 7
76, I'm 23 years old and I fear for this world with the younger generation coming into adult hood. This country and this world is absolutely ******.. (Not that our world leaders in the past have done any better) But still, we're doomed
j_729 18
76 - I'm a teenager. Trust me, most of my classmates/teammates in sports are complete morons.
Coeliacchic93 21
I'm about to turn 20, and I really do fear for future generations. Not all teens are complete idiots and douche bags. That being said most are...
hannah_lynn 12
Older people blame our generation for being stupid yet they're the ones who raised us
WildOshawott 7
I'm 13 and I feel like I'm surrounded by idiot daily.
The_Orphan 3
Invariably, throughout history, every generation thinks that the next is just a bunch of degenerate assholes who will fall miserably. Hell, it's even in the Bible.
oh_lordy_me 18
Ground her from Facebook?
webbface 25
Word, you haven't failed OP. Kids are just getting ridiculous today.
cyanidesandwich 21
If That was my daughter, and she did that, I would close her delete her facebook, and take away her phone for the remainder of the summer. That is so unbelievably bimbo like, it's ridiculous. And the fact that she called you a pedo is grounds for punishment. so disrespectful.
lwonderful 11
I agree with #29 right here. What she did was extremely ridiculous, especially while saying things like this over the Internet
PuggieKid 22
Just guessing here, but if you gave her the talk, I'm assuming she must be young, so why does she have fb?
Meowingtons500 18
Doubtful, kids get the sex talk younger and younger every year. My guess for OP's daughters age is 9-12. It's an awkward age and lots of kids in that age group don't understand how to use facebook and post some interesting things!
mfmylifesrsly 30
If she has a Facebook she most likely already knew what sex was. Unless she just uses it to talk to family members, there's so much stuff you can come across sex related on Facebook.
Alihb 16
Maybe she should go all Facebook Parenting for the troubled teen and shoot her laptop.
corocoro 30
Before or after using it to share embarassing baby pictures? ;)
devildee101 15
you could always shoot her computer with a pistol after reading the Facebook post the upload it to YouTube.
StanBVB 10
Grounding your kids doesn't solve anything. Teach her how things work. Talk to her about how you feel, OP. She might just understand.
bethluvsyou 15
68, love your profile pic. Uncle Vernon FTW
ironik69 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yes, you have.
brave_josh 9
Wow what a coincidence!!!! You failed as a FML commentator.
utohspaghettios 10
congrats #16 on over 100 upvotes lol
iAlissa 34
You have an immature and shallow daughter.
agzz21 6
With stupid friends as well.
iAlissa 34
Birds of a feather flock together
SHAMUS_the_WITTY 18
Balls of a sack hunt in a pack.
monkeyy100 15
guess she wasn't mentally mature for the talk
asherm 15
Unfortunately, she's too immature to have sex and will probably come home pregnant or w/ STD. I hope she just said that out of embarrassment and really did listen to her mom.
Alihb 16
Unfortunately, theres people like me who will just never be mature enough for the sex talk. My final words will be 69 just for the last giggle.
NagainaFier 16
What....? No- the parents should be the one giving the talk; just because your parents were awkward doesn't mean they're all awkward. My mom was pretty cut and dry with me; 'this goes there, that comes out, nine months later there's a baby'. Obviously I got the reader's digest version (being like... 10? 11?), but still. Parents should damn well be talking with their kids about sex, and take some responsibility about the life THEY created, not getting pissy when their daughter is 16 and pregnant or their son is going to be owing child support because 'the doctor/teacher/community leaders/etc should of told little Susie about sex ed, not me!'
practicallyjesus 7
Did anyone else notice the incredible coincidence between #69's comment and his comment number?
Alihb 16
Oh my god. Never in all my days have I seen such a perfect."coincidence". P.S I giggled when I saw that
pistachiopanda 19
Just leave some pamphlets about giving your child up for adoption lying around.
PinkieKeen 20
I bet after that she'll shut up...lol
Greybade 9
Or go on Facebook again about how her moms hates her.
Caitie_kid 8
She should leave those planned parenthood papers out with the list of all the STD's. Those can be pretty freaky and to many younger folks that don't realize how easy it is to contract them w/unprotected sex.
mansen 15
My best friend is a nurse. She plans on showing her kids the part of her textbooks with the pictures of stds as being part of her sex talk with them. Hopefully it will that will be effective in making them pay attention.
sematariux 7
#7, you'll be a great mom
aligater10 7
she prolly wouldnt even catch on
MandySkittles 18
I think it's time you took away her internet privileges OP. It's never too late for good parenting. If she has a cellphone, take that away too. Sounds like you're not the only one though, her friend is a bit of a brat too.
the_real_dvd 21
Seriously. This should be a F her life. "Today my mom took away my mobile and my Facebook because I'm a disrespectful little twat."
eash 10
Wow f her life
NemoLazurus 7
Do the world a favor and get her on the pill!
dreamsneverfall 8
That's never one hundred percent prevention. If her daughter is too immature to handle the sex talk, she's too immature for sex itself. The pill just encourages her that it's okay to have sex.
outoftown 27
Better yet, get her the implants. She sounds too immature to remember to take a pill every day.
threer 30
Shut the hell up.. Just because she's disrespectful and felt embarrassed about 'the talk' doesn't mean that she wants to have sex.
kmm316 9
Ugh some people my age make me so angry with their extreme stupidity and immature behavior. Now you should take all her electronics away so she can call the cops saying you beat her.
michelleJ11 25
Agreed. Those few kids make it embarrassing to be from this generation; they make us all look bad.
Jake_Hale 7
Agreed! Isn't it so annoying? Like I can't even deal.
DenBriZel 31
44- you're definitely not helping.
GothicAngel95 16
44- Since you're not helping the case here why not do something useful? Like get a needle and some thread Sow your mouth shut?
NagainaFier 16
You think your joking, #10; My mother, being a cop, got a call like that. (No, the kid was NOT abused. If anything, she was abusing the mother, which is absolute insanity) Let's just say even if the kid does call, the cops will be able to tell pretty quick that there's nothing going on. Why can't everyone just be polite and not run their mouths... I don't ask for much... Just a little maturity across the board.