Worried dad
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
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Comments (250)
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
brittanyxo17 0
No self respect these days. Ground her dirty ass.
HonestTruth 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No, she isn't a lovely daughter. I would be quite upset if my daughter was to reveal that to me.
Mister_Triangle 21
The sarcasm detector is strong with 15...
indielove 13
These are times when a slap might just be needed.
savour 0
Yep
Kajol123 5
Perhaps 15 was being sarcastic in their own sense thus continuing the sarcasm in this comment? But they were most likely just being oblivious.
baronsmommy 14
I'm with #29, time to refer to Creflo Dollar's Parentology 101...choking part is optional though...
Lyza_Erika_13 0
Yes, She'd Be Grounded.
pupsi 3
That's good to **** coz that healthy n enjoyable haha
Cryptic17_fml 4
Are you aware that maybe just maybe its possible to spell unlike a retard?
TBelle4Ever 15
I wonder if her boyfriend is Pedobear?
xoxoemo22 5
:O you There !!! Are you a bro :3 ? *BROFIST*
spyrogyro 2
Are you aware that you cook like a retard?
spyrogyro 2
Are you aware that you look like a retard?
RedPillSucks 33
She's a member of the Aslapahoe tribe.
Javee 17
You've tasted her cooking?
folfg0 12
Quite a ***** you got there Bob. Bet the neighbors are jealous of your class A *****.
ThePK 5
Red Foreman? As the world turns forward, it forgets to bring along the value of respect, it seems.
batman_516 9
Are you aware that maybe, just maybe, it's possible to use correct grammar without looking like a retard?
skitzofreniks 5
90 - you make us Canadians look idiotic.
aron666 25
lf she's how OP described her, grounding won't help ...It's too late for her
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
PlastikSeraph 2
I love how #2 gets 3 thumbs up for asking the exact same question #3 gets 3 thumbs down for...
jgduplante 9
It's because you're not supposed to post a comment so similar to what someone else already wrote. Really no excuse if you post it right after them, too..
Ch0sen 13
Unless they posted around the exact same time. Look at the time stamp, it's during the same minute.
Yourheadache 19
They were post at the same time.
brittanyxo17 0
47 & 48 - But it could still be edited
Ch0sen 13
I find it unlikely that you'd completely change your post for the purpose of copying someone right above you. Besides, with the number of typing errors evident in posts throughout the site, it seems that most users don't even bother with the edit option.
hockeyoceancity 13
47- You are pretty new to commenting but yet i have liked every single one of yours that i've seen and i barely like comments, thank you for being a smart new commenter! There is hope at last.
Dr0reos 8
OHHHH BUUURRRRRNNNN!!!!(incidentally just like the numerous STDs she probably has now)
wild_n_out 8
146- it's because he's a freaking genius. Check out his profile. He's only 19 and about to go to med school.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Many people go to med school after leaving high school..I know plenty of not so smart people in my class that are doing it. It doesn't take a genius.
ReginaEvolution 2
There's a difference between med school and going for nursing or ma. :P
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
226- He also says he's a college senior. Many people think it's special that I get to be a college freshman when I'm barely 17, but he's a COLLEGE senior. Not a high school senior.
sophie22_fml 8
She's probably a young teen if she still needs to ask for permission
mattscott 5
...Wow. How old is she?
TheDrifter 24
Old enough for a trip to the clinic at any rate.
paolayupp 6
Old enough to get sent to her grandparents in Florida when she finds out she has chlamydia.
Inheritance 10
176 bad personal experience?
beckyxD 13
179 - no, it's an Easy A movie reference xD
mzmush 2
Could be worse, she could have been in a fivesome with all of them
I_Punch_Babies 7
She never really said it wasnt all at the same time so who knows...
brittanyxo17 0
It could be worse but it's bad enough she banged 4, which I assume at a younger age.
Brahmzy1 3
She must be young after all she is asking permission
Ch0sen 13
It could always be worse, but it's bad enough already for someone her age to be treating something as special as sex so nonchalantly. Call me old fashioned or whatever, but I still think it's one of those things where the more people you do it with, the less meaning it holds.
brittanyxo17 0
That moral doesn't follow with some garden tools.
Ch0sen 13
Hence "one of those things". Notice that I explicitly avoided saying "everything" because when you make an absolute statement like that, people try to find any possible way to nitpick at your statement. Nonetheless, it looks like even that safeguard failed for you.
deBlobX 12
Giggity
pupsi 3
It's ok she could do that one guy in her pussy other one in her ass n other in her mouth n last she can do a handjob ...all done
Cryptic17_fml 4
It's ok you can shut the **** up an not be a ****
LSUtigres 2
Or at least she's not pregnant.
Keliosan 6
Why does every FML have the "it could be worse" comments? EVERY situation could be worse but it doesn't justify anything. Also I don't think this "fivesome" would be any worse, while people would think she's an even bigger **** she would have still had sex with 4 guys regardless of how close together it was.
DomDomxoxo 16
42: When I was living with my mom at the age of 18, she wouldn't let me have sleepovers with my boyfriend. Some parents are just very strict.
paolayupp 6
Well at any age, parents still consider their kids as being their little girl or boy. It's hard for most to let them have sleepover because, obviously, there's gonna be sexy time.
theantonlolz 11
Really depends on how old she is, but nonetheless, very bold announcing she did four guys already, trying to burn her dad lol
Jaxx66 21
It would hurt bad to have your daughter say that. But dad could say "you're right, I failed because I didn't watch your every move! From now on, I'll be putting a key logger on your computer, taking away your phone, and you will be home everyday promptly after school. All until you move out!"
Feared 9
That's a bad idea. She would just move out, and then he wouldn't have any eyes on her.
TheDrifter 24
And then she would learn her lesson. Most dramatic little kids who leave home in their mid teens learn quick how hard real life is. Some even start to see the reason for the rules they rebelled against.
Trisha_aus 15
Most dads don't like to think about their little girls growing up so fast..or even imagining them with their bf's..they seem to think all the bf's are Gaylord Fockers. And some dads wouldn't even allow their daughters to sleep with someone at their house.
nevereyes 31
68, Most kids response, use school computers, use/barrow friends cell phone and sneak out at night. That's if it's a level headed but sneaky kid. Now if this kid is like my 12 year old next door neighbor then the road will get lite on fire and the neighbors pets will be found dead......
ohmandapants 17
^ sooo your neighbour is on his way to being a serial killer? I don't see what the relevance is here. OP's daughter is...well...she's a ***** and your neighbour is a psychopath.
AlexaWuzHere 31
If she's young, then FYL. If not, it's not a huge deal, except for how rudely she told you. I guess it's safe to say she won't be having her boyfriend over for the night any time soon.
chatoyant_fml 12
It kinda feels like if she is young enough to be told by her father that her boyfriend can't sleepover, she's probably too young to have sex, or am I wrong?
AlexaWuzHere 31
That's what I was thinking, but then again we had this same issue with my 18 year old sister... That's why I'm not too sure. OP should have mentioned her age to save us all some confusion
Ugi 27
Time to talk to her about being sensible when she does. A daughter having sex is nothing like as bad as one with an STD or unwanted pregnancy!
RacerX1695 1
Pregnancy is the worst possible STI…
PlaySpades 21
Most people would not consider pregnancy to be an infection or disease....
eggmarie 25
65, That joke just zoomed right over your head, eh?
twisted_cherub 14
I get the joke, but no it isn't. There are so many things worse. Pregnancy doesn't have to mean raising a kid. There's adoption. Being pregnant sucks--a lot--but that's a horrible disease for less than a year and then you move on while some extremely grateful couple showers love on their new little blessing. Try sores that appear on your genitals at random and itch like hell for the rest of your life; or wasting away over decades, with no one willing to be around you, knowing you will die soon; thinking you have the flu and then dropping dead out of nowhere; slowly going mad over the course of several years until you have no idea what reality is and become a danger to yourself and those around you. Try looking into the eyes of someone you had sex with and telling them you wrote them a death sentence--judge, jury, executioner. Sorry I ranted, but it pisses me off to hear so many people say things like, "She's on the pill so I didn't have to wear a condom.". That's just ignorance. But the majority of people I've met think like that.
TheDrudgeChild 4
65 - carrying around a parasite for 9 months and having it latch on to you for 18 years sounds pretty disease-like to me...
eggmarie 25
200 - Kudos to you for dealing with all that at a young age! That's hard for women who are 30 to handle. You sound like an amazing mom :)
jjmiller1001 17
Awesome little ****!
dathan 14
wtf
laden_swallow09 35
9- No, she isn't. Not "awesome" by any means. Either you have some serious growing up to do, or it's imperative you reevaluate your priorities before you spread more stupidity..
andrewcollins 8
STFU
jizzwold 21
Perhaps he's using awesome in its dictionary definition form in that she is such a little **** that she inspires awe
texanplayer 1
I would have shot the little bitch
Mister_Triangle 21
Murder: always the sensible option
Jaxx66 21
54, the "O" in "GTFO" stands for "Off". And no you wouldn't of shot her, 10. Sheesh. Why do people have to always be violent for the randomest things?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
It stands for out, I believe. Like the rage face with the stick figure pointing to the right with the letters "GTFO" in bright red. If you don't know what I mean, look it up. I hate to be a bitch, but it's "wouldn't have", not "wouldn't of". You do have a very valid point, though.
LaughterofCorn 4
Well that escalated quickly.
twisted_cherub 14
Kendall, you have restored my faith in your generation. You are always well spoken and prove time and time again to be more mature than most of your peers, not to mention most of mine. Thank you.
Dracoboxer357 36
10- Of course you would, you're a real hero. After all, that must be the right thing to do, just because.....what? Someone dared be disrespectful to you verbally? :p Grow up.
thewife5 19
10- I would of shot her too!!! Maybe if it was a real possibility kids wouldn't talk like this. And yes I'm stating the OPs daughter is indeed a kid if she is seeking permission for a sleep-over.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
180- Once again, it's "would have". And pay attention to other comments and you'll see why you're getting thumbed down.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
115- Thank you so much! I guess some people on here can be kind. Thank you for that. ^_^
SqueakyChipmunk 22
One, Texas does not condone shooting your kids. Two, The only justifiable and satisfying way to shoot somebody is with a paintball gun, or a super soaker filled with cat pee. :D
drunkandfml 11
At least they used condoms, and she isn't pregnant... or is she?
slurshies 11
I don't recall reading that she said they used condoms.. and judging by the apparent lack of sense on her part, they probably didn't, but who am I to know?