Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
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Comments (250)
rockurheart 9
why hello there
l2udeGirl 1
She won't be so proud of it when she catches an STD. I'm disappointed to be part of this generation.
the_blind_wonder 1
I love how, eventually, some people get away from commenting about the posted FML. Instead, they have little flame wars amongst each other. Get a life those of you who are guilty of this. You should have much better things to do than bash anonymous people through an anonymous medium. I know I am now making myself guilty of posting a comment about something other than the FML, but it had to be said. By the way, the original poster's daughter could have been 12. They are starting that early these days! Isn't that scary?
TheDrudgeChild 4
165 - I'm sorry, since this as well is off topic (This commenting section is beyond hope for that), but you stated in your profile that you are completely blind. Do you use a text-to-speech device to read these comments then?
osomarfire 1
If shes still living in your house she must not be old enough to do what she wants. Sucks to find out like that but teenagers are snots like that nowadays.... Your house your rules no matter what she says.... If she is old enough, then kick her ass out then she can bang as many guys as she wants then.
zuelhater 7
What a ****! Good job
RedPillSucks 33
OP, I'm sure what your daughter meant was that she is the only female member of a 5 person percussion ensemble. She wanted her boyfriend to sleep over so she could spend time to show him the new moves she learned. It's all innocent fun. Let her lose to go "Bang a gong".
newburton13 26
Well, when she comes home pregnant and/or with AIDs, you'll be the one laughing. That sucks, man.
tisvana20 6
I don't think any parent would laugh at that situation.
iwadasn 33
Most people recognize a figure of speech when they see one. Except for 185, apparently.
Jiinxx 8
looks like she needs to be introduced to the good old belt.
oathkeeper77 5
Aw, you didn't fail as a father. She failed at being responsible. Some things you can't control unless you have an eye on her ALL the time, which is impossible. At least she's not pregnant?
brianax36 14
She's probably what? 14 and I'm 20 and she's banged more guys than me. This is how you know your daughter might just be a ****.