Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, I was a bit upset to learn that my 13 year-old daughter had a boyfriend. When she noticed, she assured me that I shouldn't worry, because "it's just for sex anyway". FML
Today, even though I don’t have a problem with my ex having sex, I do have a problem with her bringing dudes home, who then meet my kid, confusing him. My kid is 4 years-old asked me if the guy from yesterday was his daddy, or if I was his daddy, even though I visit him every day. FML
Today, I had to explain to my 20 year-old daughter why she can’t leave her infant son at the house on her own, while she goes out partying until 2 a.m. Her response was, “What? I’m supposed to miss the party to watch his ass?” FML
Today, I told my almost 18 year-old that she couldn’t go to a school event because I needed her to watch her younger siblings so I could go out with my sisters. She scoffed, “You have four baby daddies and not one can babysit?” and then went to the event anyway. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I had a talk with my daughter about how I hope her first boyfriend is a special one because 'spending the night' with a boy is a big deal. She replied with a giggle, "Mom, I lost my virginity in a parking lot three years ago!" FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, I gave my daughter the sex talk. Barely 10 minutes later, her public Facebook status read, "My mom's a total pedo," after which she mentioned the talk. Her friend posted, "That's sexual harassment. You can sue for that." Clearly I've failed as a parent. FML
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Top comments
Comet_Candy 23
Lovely daughter you have there, OP.
rockgirl7 2
Oh my God. How old is she?
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Comments (250)
ImmaB3AST 7
At least you raised her to be honest! You haven't totally failed.
laden_swallow09 35
Yep. Admitting to theft or homicide doesn't lessen the blow. It's still theft or homicide, or in this case, poor moral fibre and disrespect to authority.
firefighterjohn 9
could be worse she could be pregnant. but watch out for stds. my cousin got stds when she was freaking 14. they getting younger and younger
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I hate the thought of people my age (hell, and younger) getting infected... I haven't even thought of having sex. And in high school, people make you feel like the black sheep for having your virginity. What a sad, sad world we live in.
shinshoku13 19
Actually considering people used to get married and pregnant at ages younger then that, people are not having sex younger and younger, people are just getting more and more judgemental
malfanese 6
Stay strong!!! I kept mine until I was 18, I waited for someone special and then I got him, he is so happy knowing the fact that he is my only.
twisted_cherub 14
Yes, girls used to get married and have kids in their teens. Men didn't usually marry until their early 20s, when they'd built a solid foundation for raising a family, like a steady job and place to live. They didn't sleep with several random people and have babies they didn't want or know how to take care of. This isn't just being judgmental. The number of single parent children on our welfare system is bleeding this economy. Teenage girls are getting pregnant on purpose with guys they barely know and those kids are ending up abused, neglected, malnourished or poorly disciplined and in trouble later in life. It's not only statistically accurate, but I see it every day in my city. A single parent can be a good parent. My mother was. But it's not likely. Most people are the rule, not the exception.
RedPillSucks 33
Welfare is not what's bleeding the economy dry. Check and see how much of the budget goes to welfare (in the US), especially since the mid 90's when the qualifications were tightened, and families were ejected from the roles. Now compare that to the Savings and Loan debacle of the 80's, Enron of the 90's, Lehman Brothers, AIG, Credit Default Swaps, and the Housing Bubble of the 2000's. Corporate greed and corporate welfare drains more from the economy.
TheDrifter 24
RPS, I just looked it up and America's federal and State governments combined spend over half their budgets on social programs. Apparently 48% of Americans receive some level of government assistance payment. That's crazy, I didn't know that and now I'm off to see what my native Canada's spending looks like.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
They had sex earlier because their life expectancy back then was shorter. So to them, it was normal to have babies in your early teenage years if you were going to die before you're 45. In modern America, or most first world countries, you're expected to live well into your seventies or eighties. You have a longer time to breed.
Bluekaren16 19
222 - Teenagers your age think everyone is having sex, when really only about a small percentage is.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
228- I beg to differ. Are you a teenager right now? Do people scoff at you when you say that you're saving yourself? Most people are really open about having sex. Some others just say they did it and shrug it off. If barely anyone is having sex, why are so many girls walking around pregnant?
Irishgypsy 2
Time too show her how long it will take too get to number five.
Mister_Triangle 21
No matter how many times I read this, I still have no idea what you're trying to say
kimmi41509 10
16 means the 5th person she ends up having sex with.
twisted_cherub 14
How is it you were able to use "to" properly once, but couldn't manage to use it the first two times? It makes it hard TO like your comment when there are TOO many mistakes and I have TO read it TWO times just TO understand.
Irishgypsy 2
122- I'm an ironworker not an English teacher. If you didn't like the comment because you couldn't understand one of the most common mistakes made in the English language you shouldn't have taken the time TO read it TWO times. Confused= move on
laden_swallow09 35
Working iron doesn't excuse anyone from sounding ignorant. You've gone through primary school. Have some pride in yourself and respect for those of us who actually read what you have to say.
Irishgypsy 2
How did my so called ignorance become disrespect? I get too and to confused. I tried and got it wrong. That's the bottom line. No disrespect.
wdd2 5
@ everyone jumping on 16 for mixing up too and to, people, it could very well be a simple mistake, have you heard of a typo?
brandoneyez1 25
I would kick her butt!!! How old is she and can you ground her.. Lol
Cryptic17_fml 4
Hmmmmm have a slutty daughter or spend the rest of his life in prison for child abuse and child assault? That's a really hard choice
brittanyxo17 0
If i had the guts to tell my dad that i'd be buried 40 feet under..
kimmi41509 10
I know, right? If I told my dad I banged 4 guys he'd call me a little *****.
brittanyxo17 0
Mine would just kick my ass no mercy, immigrant problems.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Yes being murdered and buried 6 times deeper then average is the same thing as being called a *****, right?
lucianaamelia 21
At least she's honest but like still I'd never tell my dad that!
laden_swallow09 35
Please read 61's comment.
tony1891 22
sounds like Juno part 2
eggmarie 25
We must be watching two different versions of Juno if this FML is Juno 2
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Didn't she have a steady boyfriend and was only having sex with him? I'm sure she didn't "bang four guys". And she wasn't a ****. This sounds like it would make a good episode of Maury!
kimmi41509 10
I don't get how her banging 4 guys would make you fail as a father. Any normal parent would obviously worry about their teenage daughter especially considering the teen pregnancy rate these days. That was a bitch move for her to say that. Teenagers rarely listen to their parents anyway. Ground her ass!
pupsi 3
Ground her pussy
Cryptic17_fml 4
And while you are at it grind pupsi's face.
perdix 31
#105, it would be a little late, 5 guys have already been grinding her pussy.
DobGriffen 8
Seeing that she still has to ask her dad to have her bf stay over, she's probably not over 18..
RedPillSucks 33
Most likely true. However, even if she was over 18, I wouldn't have my unmarried daughter having a sleep over boyfriend in my house. If she want's to have sex, she can do it at her own place.
nevereyes 31
You'd be surprised I'm 18 and I'm not allowed to be with my boyfriend for more than 4hrs a week........also we have to alternate who's house we're at and the door isn't allowed to be closed. It sucks big ugly pig tail.
savour 0
Wat a b3tch sl ut a ssh ole move
DocBastard 40
There seems to be something wrong with your keyboard. It appears to be putting spaces and numbers in inappropriate places and misspelling words like "what". I'd look into getting a new one.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
Bitch **** asshole? I hate when people blind-curse. "You're a shit damn ass bitch **** queef-eating ************ bitch ass **** *****!" Stringing every curse word you know together doesn't constitute a good insult.
Cryptic17_fml 4
Wow that's is some colorful vocabulary for a 13 year old what's that 7th grade?
Dracoboxer357 36
108- At 13, you didn't know any of those words yourself? ;P Most everyone has, and most people don't feel the need to use them to the maximum level. Kendall's example is valid and appropriate for the context of this conversation, IMHO. I'm also judging what she says based solely on the comment made, not whatever her profile says her age is. :p
rockerlove2013 6
Well our parents paid attention to us at 13
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
108- Are you referring to me or the original commenter? I'm 14 and going to tenth grade, for the record. ._.