Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
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Top comments
0_0ha 13
The day when your grandmother tells you to be a ****...
EvilPotato 15
If mothers know best, then grandmothers must really know everything best.
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Comments (83)
0_0ha 13
The day when your grandmother tells you to be a ****...
RaizerBerry 3
I would just walk away.
Zoh_Aubrey 8
I'd ask her if she fooled around with anyone famous back in the day.
ICastillo 25
#14 would you really want to know that about your granny?
Welshite 40
#20: Wouldn't you like bragging rights to possibly being the unknown, yet loved grandson of Elvis?
ICastillo 25
#27 that's a damn good never thought of it like that.
drewcat21 0
Anyone else thinking this is what lies in the future for Snooki's grandchildren?
KamGujari 3
AHHAHAHAHAH
EvilPotato 15
If mothers know best, then grandmothers must really know everything best.
LoveGuru69 0
i wonder if OP can give me her grandmas phone number..
AH1Zviper 15
Are you really that dedperate?
drewcat21 0
78 have you not seen the movie Yes Man? Lol
bReLiNg 18
Sounds like grandma knows her sausage! To think, if it wasn't for her, you wouldn't be here...
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Btw the sounds of it, grandma didn't exactly make it hard for OP not to exist. Ah, the hippy era...
Natasha14641 7
Imagine your grandpa "conning" her into blowing him. You're welcome.
tnlander 20
That's just awful. You have just damaged OP with that thought for the rest of her life.
annie_nk 23
And anyone else who read that comment :(
Tuffay 14
What did I tell you Hun... If you eat the last cookie, you gotta suck the sausage. Sorry, it's early here!
ambowew 7
To be fair, your grandmas love life has been getting around quite a bit. Kiss me, Ketut.
Tidus0 17
Haha we all knew the sexual tension between Rhonda and Katut lol. The latest ad tells all!!
makowiec 11
Hahah love those ads!
mario2012 18
Such a charming granny you have there.
Accuraxy 10
Granny is a player!
ICastillo 25
Grandpa: hurry quick I'm having a heartache need you to give me a ******** to live.... Grandma: Oh no ok .........
gc327072 31
Pretty sure that would cause one.
ICastillo 25
But he would die a happy man.
byRose 7
Sleeping around isn't your only choice by the way.
Missusluv313 9
Damn that sucks. Actually hearing your grandmother use the word blowing is never, ever a good thing.