Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
0_0ha 13
The day when your grandmother tells you to be a ****...
EvilPotato 15
If mothers know best, then grandmothers must really know everything best.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (83)
ICastillo 25
Actually thats messed up when your sweet innocent old grandma gives you the sex talk and you find out that she is a freaky old thang.
DocBastard 40
Your grandmother is clearly senile. There's no such thing as a grandmother who still gives ********. Is there? Hang on... *checks google* *discovers granny ***** I...uh...stand corrected. Please excuse me while I vomit my entire day's food.
mario2012 18
I don't blame you. I would too.
metalhead4740 14
I would as well...
CrewBoy 10
No teeth? No problem. Best ******** you can get.
Draxanoth 15
#33 It's called the 'No Denture Adventure'
perdix 31
Sarah Palin's a grandma. Getting a bj from her is a double fantasy. First, there's the usual sensation, but then I help America by preventing her from spouting off her right-wing screed.
doctorhook86 25
50: Her sooper-dooper accent mekes me wanna kill myself, donchakno? I kin see Russia frem my hoose, eh? Elso I pick stoopid nemes fer my kids becoz I'm a hackey -mam and en Ameerican patriat! ****. Putting anything in her mouth is preferable to listening to her talk.
perdix 31
Fool me one decade, shame on you. Fool me a second decade, shame on me! I can't believe that Grandma is so gullible that Gramps could have conned her over and over again. Maybe her advice about sleeping around indiscriminately is likewise misguided.
Warden1986 16
This fml reminded me of the movie, Yes Man with Jim Carey. When he got blown by an granny. Because he put up a few shelves..... Still makes me sick.
fienx 0
Grandma win.
olpally 33
Troll grandma... Lmao... Wow... Your grandma is hilarious yet crazy... Fyl definitely...
sheethapins 13
Is your grandmother Sue Johanson?
ComeWakeMeUp426 0
*Bette White
missababgaga 19
Your grandma seems like a really cool lady to hang around! :)
iceroyalty1984 14
EPIC sex talk. Wish mine had been so...informative?
stephan18 23
Why?
greeneyebeauty9 28
damn granny's a pimp.
doctorhook86 25
30: Gramps is the pimp in this situation.