Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
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Top comments
0_0ha 13
The day when your grandmother tells you to be a ****...
EvilPotato 15
If mothers know best, then grandmothers must really know everything best.
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Comments (83)
doglover100 29
Your grandma is crazy.
rotflqtms_ 21
Oh my... Your grandma doesn't know the meaning of Too Much Information... Loving your choice for the username OP, FiftyShardsOfBroccli... The name sounds a little familiar... Maybe Grandma and Grandpa should stop reading it... Probably gave them too many weird ideas...
Sai_Run614 7
Is your grandma silver fox from grandmas boy by chance?
KiddNYC1O 22
See, old people love the nasty.
GothicAngel17 24
Wise words.
MaryPoppins88 14
This is soo funny
viper8608 9
well at least you now know for sure your grandma gives your grandpa head.
pipc 10
She's right.
doumtabarnack 12
OMG your grandma understood it all! You better listen to the wisest
BananerzFresh 12
Well Grandma knows best.