Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my grandma and I went shopping. When I picked up some shower gel, she started ranting in front of everyone that shower gel injures one's "lady parts" and causes infertility, and that she wants me to give her great-grandchildren. FML
Today, my family threw me my 21st birthday party. My grandma's gift turned out to be a pack of condoms. "Not that you'll ever get to use them," she said, turning and walking off, cackling maniacally. Now I remember why I never talk to the old crone. FML
Today, my mom lost her shit because I was teaching my daughter about tampons. Apparently, they were created by radical feminists to trick women into “stealing” their own virginities, in order to make them unsuitable brides for decent men. I can’t believe I came out of this repressed psycho. FML
Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML
Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML
Today, I found out from a cousin why my older aunts treated me so differently when we were growing up. Apparently, my mom told them that when I was 14, I wanted to use tampons instead of pads. According to their backward, archaic logic, that meant I was sexually active. No wonder they hated me. FML
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Today, at my sister's engagement party, my cousins thought it would be funny to get my nanna drunk. They regretted it when she told them, and everyone else at the party about her sex life and how she fakes orgasms with my grandpa. FML
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Top comments
CheeseTron 15
Well just don't eat one and put it on Youtube.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
And the funny thing is, she has a boyfriend, while a billion of us perfectly normal girls don't. Let that sink in for a little bit
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Comments (104)
CheeseTron 15
Well just don't eat one and put it on Youtube.
Jessj958 19
Guess I'm out of the loop. Do I even want to know?
EsOSiQueEs 14
Not if you enjoyed your lunch today and would like it to stay in your stomach.
Jessj958 19
Lol thanks. It's amazing what people post on You Tube.
TheRandomIndian 17
It's amazing what people will do for attention
buckerado 19
A girl took out a tampon and sucked that sucker dry...******* DRY.*eyes burn and explode*
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
And the funny thing is, she has a boyfriend, while a billion of us perfectly normal girls don't. Let that sink in for a little bit
lilhellian 27
I showed someone that video earlier, but I didn't tell him what it was till after she put it in her mouth the first time.. The look on his face was priceless.. 48 Is he mental!
theawkwardlife 21
48 is it the guy who ate his own shit? they make a perfect couple.
Sputnikspak 13
While I don't know why someone would suck a tampon dry for attention, at least it was her own tampon? That's still pretty gnarly, but at least it wasn't a random person's tampon. I think I'd be a lot more okay having my own menstrual blood in my mouth than someone else's (though it's pretty a pretty gross thought). Still less gross than 2girls1cup.
Livestrong14 7
I feel your pain #48, the world works in wonderful ways dosent it?
littlelegs93 5
I think it actually is the guy who ate his own shit.. made for each other.
lilhellian 27
This thread has made me thankful for my strong stomach.. Didn't even gag one time... Eating Doritos and I returned..
CrissyyyS2 22
After that, some kid makes a video of him eating his own turd. I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
v1kt4r 13
Honey Boo Boo's mom has a boyfriend.. LET that sink in for a bit
ShyAnn29 15
70, I think he's her husband.
klutz44 28
77 - nope, they're not married.
laden_swallow09 35
70- I'd imagine he's thankful for him, too.
lilmisslovely13 15
There's another girl who had sex with her dog and filmed it. It's all "oh yeah, oh yeah... STAY!"
Pretty_reckless_fml 18
Believe me, the internet has much worse ><
Grahamski 7
lol ya
annie_nk 23
Gotta keep that hymen intact!
oj101 33
And be sure not to wear white - only red & black clothes. Bloody hell, it must be rather awkward for her.
OhDearBetrayal 25
Looks like grandma still thinks that a hymen is an accurate representation for virginity. Better not join sports then. Hell, just sit around all day. Wouldn't want your future prude of a husband to walk out and announce the marriage as invalid on your honeymoon.
oj101 33
Very true #34. Someone loses their virginity when they first had sex with someone- it's a conceptual idea, not an arbitrary process that requires physical evidence.
7yzz 18
Ahhhh Gran's a loose old girl ;)
amDes 11
34, or ride a bike, ride horses... Oh that hyman gets me every time!
SerenaSerenadex3 13
My aunt says I should take my own like she did so no one else could ever "have that power over you". o-o
jessi_sunshine 26
45 - And yet, it's still going to hurt like a bitch both times.
BisFitty 7
#45 your grandma is crazy, you can't take your own virginity.
7yzz 18
1., it was her Aunt. 2., No sh*t!
SpamPam 18
Your aunt is a genius
EsOSiQueEs 14
And let the Giovanni Plowman jokes begin.
insertnameherr 11
I don't think she's up to speed with today's normal.
lostcrazydiamond 10
I can't even get a tampon to fit in... It's going to hurt like hell when I actually lose my virginity. :(
CheeseHater 23
Well, there are smaller tampons. And penises aswell.
MNBOY16 15
Ummm I can't unread that....
Suaria 38
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
No offense #6 but you obviously really naive. The reason why your tampon hurts to put is because you are not sexually awake. That would mean you have to be turned on for the tampon not to hurt. You can't just automatically be turned on so you first have to turn yourself on. I know that may be an awkward concept for you, but it is true. You can make circles around your ******** which may turn you on. Of course it would involve getting blood on your fingers, so if I were you, I would just stick to pads.
MNBOY16 15
Wow am I the only one that feels awkward???
holagranola 15
I can't tell if 21 is being sarcastic, or if they are completely serious and just not too bright...
allforyoux3 25
21, is that the excuse your grandma gave you to keep you from using them? Because you are very misinformed. 27, I really do hope she is being sarcastic...
Trix_Disorder 20
Just you, 24. I personally live for reading about a stranger's vaginal tightness and apprehension of sex on the comment section of FML.
annie_nk 23
I thought the same thing 6. Vaginas are made to be really stretchy. If a baby can fit through a ******, you can get a tampon in lol.
SApprentice 34
21- That's just horrifying. Inappropriate. 6- It's okay. It is hard in the beginning. It's harder too when you start really young, because it really is more difficult to get them in, especially until you can figure out the slope and all of that. They make these smaller tampons now for preteens and such, so maybe you could have an easier time with that. If it makes you feel better, after struggling with it for a year in 6th grade, I had a break down, ran out crying into the yard and climbed a tree. Getting me down was quite awkward for my father.
dashizam 10
44- You have redeemed this thread.
theawkwardlife 21
21 your post was put on the dictionary for the definition of awkward..
strawberrywine22 30
#6, you've got nothing to worry about :) I've had to use pads for years. I put in a tampon once when i was 15 and couldn't walk without excruciating pain. I lost my virginity at 22 to my husband, and a 2 second pinch was the extent of my pain. I still can't use tampons. Not being able to use them doesn't necessarily mean that losing your virginity will be painful :)
WrongRomance 11
You may want to see a gynecologist about it. If it hurts very much every time you try to use one, and you are inserting it correctly, there could be something wrong. That's how I figured it out.
Catkam623 27
I'd just like to say I'm now slightly disturbed noor. I really didn't need to read that and will infect never unsee that post.
HannahLouise96 13
21 - Please say you're joking. You can't be serious.
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Wtf 21, did you not take sex ed? because I'm pretty sure your teacher didn't say: " ok class, if you wanna use a tampon you need to get sexually aroused first. Circle your ******* ******** until your ****** opens ". nonono
braddenfitch 7
That's hot ;)
SpamPam 18
Pregnancy specifically leads to the dilation of the walls so you cannot possibly compare that. She is probably just young and may be doing it wrong.
HelloSirs 14
As long as you don't ram it up there, you should be okay. And don't use tampons with the diameter of a banana.
saksxalmo 20
Tampons cannot take your virginity...
Suaria 38
Tampons can take your virginity. It can pop your hymen or in other words, pop your cherry. If you are talking in the literal sense, then no tampons cannot take your virginity.
saksxalmo 20
Hymens can tear, they don't really "pop". And a torn hymen is not the same as losing your virginity, nor is an unbroken hymen a sign of virginity. You can tear your hymen in plenty of ways (physical activity, masturbation, tampons) and you would still be a virgin. Some women's hymens are so loose that it doesn't tear the first time they have intercourse. And there's surgery to repair hymens. So yeah, hymen=/=virginity. At all.
igive 29
At least it wasn't one of her Depends.
Smartdumbblonde 27
Tampons don't take your virginity, maybe you should let her know that is like a myth
windfuelsfire 10
I find that your comment and the location of "like" in your sentence reflect your username well ;)
braddenfitch 7
Agreed, I do ;)
Big_Money_27 7
Your dad must not like tampons either
Smartdumbblonde 27
Where in the FML does it talk about ops dad?
TurquoiseJesus 15
58- I almost feel as though he is referring to the D.A.D.D. dad from a few FMLs ago.
windfuelsfire 10
Did she in the same breath insist that the earth is flat and that the sun is in orbit around the earth?..