Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML
Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML
Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML
Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML
Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML
Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML
Today, my parents asked me if I was sexually active. My grandma then screamed from upstairs, "She's not even physically active!" FML
Today, my grandmother gave me a long speech detailing how she was worried about my well-being, and told me that I could tell her anything. I tried to open up to her about my mental health issues, to which she responded, "Stop, I don't care, I'm not your therapist." I'm so confused. FML
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Top comments
arienh4 0
#5 Because it's free.
KwitIt 0
Well... at least you were honest! I hope this doesn't deter you from honesty in the future! And #1, it's not like the OP could have just said, "Nope. Not talking about this with you!" That would be incredibly disrespectful, and it sounds like the grandma brought it up first.
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Comments (119)
scarlett_fml 0
YDI for discussing sex with your grandma.
itchyballs 0
man do I love gilfs!
OhHushDear 11
Um, actually, I think that's the FML here. She is saying that it WASN'T cool that her grandma started talking about sex stuff. Duh.
sebastian406 0
True that.
KwitIt 0
Well... at least you were honest! I hope this doesn't deter you from honesty in the future! And #1, it's not like the OP could have just said, "Nope. Not talking about this with you!" That would be incredibly disrespectful, and it sounds like the grandma brought it up first.
scarlett_fml 0
#3...she could have just smiled and nodded as Grandma talked about abstience. She didn't have to confess that she's already had sex. She left herself open to that, imo.
popoman 0
She should have just licked her pussy.
SpunkT 0
Why do I not buy this?
miss_madison 10
Because unlike OP and I, you don't have an epicly cool grandma. (yes my grandma does the same.)
arienh4 0
#5 Because it's free.
schizoid_fml 3
#6 lol good one :P
hawky_06 0
Awkward lolz
twistoffate89 0
and what were hers?
itsTiffany 0
YUCK... Something I NEVER EVER EVER want to hear about.