Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML
Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
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Top comments
Nutz101 7
Your grandpa is epic
nickownes1 3
Your grandpa must of been a party animal (;.. *shudder*
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Comments (170)
Enslaved 38
The thought of fisting sounds painful. Who the hell wants to be stretched out that much? Blah!
perdix 31
Not me! This is why you don't joke with the TSA at the airport. Just when you start to get into the fisting, they quit and let you go.
Enslaved 38
69-- ;) If he hollers, let him go. You're just doing it wrong when you travel. Eenie, meenie, miney, moe
mrkck 0
I've heard that song "Grandma's Hands" but this is taking it to another level.
Turtle_rebellion 10
The grandma's not the one doing the fisting.
mrkck 0
No shit. I can read!
Roo79 1
Aaaaaa the good old days! Everything was bigger back then! Harder too !?
Welshite 40
...definitely lasted longer.
jenniiienyc 5
The only thing I could think of after reading this was Tosh.0!! "People seem to think you just shove your fist into the butt. Actually, no. You go in, then make the fist, otherwise you're just there punching someone in the butthole." Haha:)
vodkaliciouz 4
The second part of the story is just... damn.
aeropuppy 6
Akward...
fathi_fml 4
I would've said, "One time, I hit a guy in balls with a rock becuz he wouldn't stop talking about his sex life!! :D"
countrygirl626 16
Not quite as awkward as when you're trying to eat and your uncle decides to share two stories. One of where he's having anal sex with his ex-wife and one where my aunt gives him a ********. Now that is an FML.
Keep_It_Hot99 8
Shit, what the hell is wrong with your uncle? Not necessarily a dinner conversation.
countrygirl626 16
168- Exactly. I'm not quite sure if that was better or worse than my grandmother asking about things that were on her husband's penis 50 years ago. My family is ****** up sometimes.
Josiah33 5
Coolest. Grampa. Ever!
jos_binet 15
gotta love grandpas