Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML
Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
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Top comments
Nutz101 7
Your grandpa is epic
nickownes1 3
Your grandpa must of been a party animal (;.. *shudder*
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Comments (170)
Welshite 40
Turns out he did have something to tell his grandchildren when he was older.
SneakyCaveman 13
Gramps is just giving your dad some pointers, wouldn't want your mother to be cranky from bad sex now would you?
zuzupetalsYO 11
Sneaky Caveman, your cat sounds like a ninja :)
deadxwedding84 5
I guess bedtime stories from grandpa will be a little bit more awkward, now. Anyone agree?
worldclassrager 41
you seem to have the worst luck with sexual content stories...ear plugs to the rescue!
annie_nk 23
Sounds like you need an estrogen filled day to balance out the testosterone.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Arg! The mental ANGUISH! I hate the visualization of fisting! It's like punching someone in the vag! Arg!!!
TheDrifter 24
Think of it as a baby head instead and its like a dry run for childbirth.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
GAH STOP IT.
nuffsaidboutthat 4
Hopefully not too dry!!!
highway_unicorn7 5
Maybe you grampa needs to teach you a thing or two..
olpally 33
Your username pretty much sums up the FML... Hopefully you're able to go out and have a few drinks to get that out of your head... Yikes!
thiscrazything 1
Doesn't matter, worked overtime. The extra pay will help make it all worthwhile.
fudgeimout 2
If he ended that story with, " and that was how I met your mother" ...
Welshite 40
Your comment just made everything better, in a weird, yet perfect way.
fudgeimout 2
It's what I aim for. Thanks.