Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML
Today, I went to a nearby nightclub with some friends and the girl I've been flirting for weeks. We were having a good time until this girl and two of her friends got back complaining about some "drunk-old-perverts harassing them". It looks like my dad and his friends are having a good time too. FML
Today, I went to my friend's house because his family was having a move away party for him. Everything was going good until his dad decided to give a toast. Including an anecdote about how he walked in on us watching porn together. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML
Today, I was hard at work cleaning up from a party I had while my parents were out for the night. Not a bottle of beer or a red cup was left for them to find. However, my parents did find two of my friends in their bedroom, still passed out and naked from beer and sex last night. FML
Today, at work I had to listen to a group of old men talk about double penetration. I work at a coffee shop. FML
Today, while on vacation, I realized my parents and grandparents had been running off and doing quite a few errands lately. After doing some sleuthing, I discovered they were taking turns having blood-curdling sex in our other hotel room down the hall. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
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Top comments
Nutz101 7
Your grandpa is epic
nickownes1 3
Your grandpa must of been a party animal (;.. *shudder*
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Comments (170)
paijus 0
I would have turned around and just left lol. Go do something to get your mind off of it
stopitalready 0
Mother of God!!!
jmcgirl 3
Dafuq did I just read?!
Turtle_rebellion 10
An fml. About the op's grandpa fisting a women.
matt98_fml 13
Do your co-workers look like jersey shore wannabes?
JazzyByProxy 14
I've never been this far down a comment thread... It's cold down here.
alohalili 0
Ewwwwie. Lol ugh guys guys guys shame on them
ElatedEarthling 15
I suggest telling your co-workers a sex story so dirty, it makes them never want to bring up a conversation about sex while in your presence. Perhaps the story could be something involving rope, mustard, and a shitload of hot dogs...?
mrsmaglietta 6
that's horrifying
bluelagoon24 19
Alright, you were scarred but what about your Dad?! I sure as hell wouldn't want to know about my own father's escapades.
xdissizit 16
"Three guys who never shut up..."? Who else is thinking Workaholics?