Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
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Top comments
breakthesky 0
...I'm not going to ask.
shortgurlsaywahh 0
wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?
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Comments (201)
strawberry_78 0
I agree that simply telling her it was a recent bruise would have sufficed...she would not have asked you how you got it, guaranteed!
cbugle 0
You're doing it wrong.
docoreo 0
your dermatologist checks your penis? FYL because you must have already had some issues down there that she needed to check out.
biwinning88 1
that's what I was thinking, never have I ever heard of needing to take your pants off for a dermatologist. Ohh do you have the clap?
IHaveVertigo 0
What? You get completely naked at a dermatologist's appointment if you are a male? I know for a fact that you don't get naked if you are a female. I think she was taking advantage of you!
marz88 0
Dermatologist is like the male version of an OB/GYN if a guy has a rash down there or something doesn't look right they go to a Dermatologist ( I worked in one of their offices before) so maybe he had something else going on down there. Too bad a woman caught him haha. Oh and OP YDI. Here is a list of things your penis is allowed to be in: 1- Your hand 2- Other people Here is a list of things your penis is not allowed to be in: 1- Everything else.
diet_otaku 0
aw c'mon, can't you add "pie" to the first list?
lottofee 0
haha diet_otaku ftw
girandwogpig 0
that's wrong what about a fleshlight :D
xNephilim 19
I'd say penises are allowed to be in your or somebody else's hand, somebody else's oral, vaginal, or anal orifices and sex toys. But seriously, a damn Snapple bottle?
cheertigers 0
hahgahahaha wait why was your dermatologist looking at your penis?? oh well that must have been reallyyy awkward
jem1991 0
you coulda just said it was a bruise.
passwordis_fml 2
hahaha so true
dinjin201 0
one word: awkward
islaphippos 0
lmao, you couldve just made up why there was a bruise there if the truth is as embarrassing as that lol
vidchick88 0
I suppose it is better to just have a bruise there than to have to go to the doctor in order to seek help on removing the bottle... Its moments like this that make me appreciate that I was not born with a penis. *nods*
Footballdabest8 0
How the fudge did tht happen? Where u drunk???