Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
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Top comments
breakthesky 0
...I'm not going to ask.
shortgurlsaywahh 0
wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?
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Comments (201)
xSceneSceneBabyx 0
...wow...why. why would you do something so stupid. granting I've heard more stupid stories than this, but really. a SNAPPLE BOTTLE??
TheUnnamedOne 0
And you did that because..........
jSOPURE 3
You= winner. :)
1nicent1 0
Was the doctor hot? And at least u got a female to stare at your penis... ;)
warrenthewalrus 0
A Snapple bottle? Get real.
tic_tac_toe 0
lol. it reminds me of the Weird Al song, "Weenie in a bottle". it's an....interesting song.
TheCashMan88 0
Weird Al never made a song called, "Weenie in a bottle."
Chocolate_Chunk 2
It's not from weird al, it's from Hawaiian Ryan.
scooter32 0
holy shit the openings on snapple bottles are small too you ******* idiot
alphaxzero 0
how does a mole look like a bruise?
scooter32 0
haha aren't the openings on snapple bottles really small you ******* idiot
thebigslim 13
LOL that is awesome! I take it you couldn't use the Sunny D cause it was still full right?