Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, I was mortified when I went to the doctor for what I thought was an allergic reaction rash and turned out to just be a bad carpet burn from rough sex, on my back and my ass cheeks. The doctor was visibly trying not to laugh. FML
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office because my wife and I are having some fertility problems. As I removed my pants, the doctor simply looked at my penis and said, "Mhm." My wife laughed the whole way home. FML
Today, after going to the doctor to have him look at a rash on my man bits, I asked him how to get rid of the redness. He shrugged and said: "Don't worry, nobody will see it other than you and me." He's right. FML
Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML
Today, I had to call the doctor regarding my penis. Not because of erectile dysfunction or an erection lasting more than four hours, but because of the multiple fire ant bites I woke up to after falling asleep in my backyard. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I was rushed to the emergency room for severe facial rashes. My boyfriend and I then found out I'm allergic to seminal fluid. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML
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Top comments
Donut_Wizard 23
Gently apply Tabasco sauce to the affected area 3 times a day until the symptoms subside...
pugs 12
It's because his tinder dates leave before they finish their appetizers.
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Comments (31)
WeirdUS 30
And it burns, burns, burns the ring of fire. The ring of fire. All jokes aside what could you be doing to cause friction burns? I hate to ask, but an FML like this can only get funnier with an answer.
pugs 12
It's because his tinder dates leave before they finish their appetizers.
Dave_Davington 34
My guess is that he got his dick caught in a belt sander.
JustALesbian 16
Jerked with a sock prolly
Donut_Wizard 23
Gently apply Tabasco sauce to the affected area 3 times a day until the symptoms subside...
RipperoniPizza 19
It could be worse. You could be writing an FML about how you contracted an STD. But friction burns down under definitely are a feeling best left unfelt.
ayenii 14
Ouch, have fun with that. Guessing you had a little too much shower sex lately.
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
Honestly that is better than most things that could have been. This one is probably the most embarrassing one though
Lobby_Bee 18
Foreplay, you need much more foreplay. Get well soon little buddy.
RichardPencil 32
Invest in lotion and learn to use a looser grip!
bigdaddyeric 37
Use some lotion for all that motion dude!
Jason Cropper_835786005 6
This is because you need lubrication when you self pleasure. I recommend a little jalapeño juice. Adds a little spice to your love life and the sensation is incredible.
CrazyTrainWreck 19
At that rate you could solve the world's energy crisis all on your own.