Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
breakthesky 0
...I'm not going to ask.
shortgurlsaywahh 0
wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (201)
flyboy57 0
LOL!!!!
mooreon131 0
d8de, those are wide moythed bottles. You're dick must be really thick.
TYL3R13 0
im not trying to brag by any means, but im 17 and if i had an erection it wouldnt fit in a snapple bottle. i mean ya snapple bottles have largee openings but still, it would work for me. do you just have a small penis or am i just very lucky?
jaybirdka 0
what kind of ******* dermatologist do you go to you freak?
bcopeland 0
WTF?
p00p0ster0us 0
The fear of such a moment is why I don't stick my penis into bottles. But thank you for reinforcing the sound logic I've applied. I feel bad for you. That must have been horribly awkward. And you can be reasonably sure that the other staff at least have some idea that you were 'experimenting'. Oh well, live and learn.
benshady 0
why the **** would you stick your penis in a snapple bottle. Dude you need to get laid and snapple bottles don't feel the same as a real pussey.
spamme 0
have you tried both? xD
irrelevantxx 0
What the ****?
Avenging_Angel 0
Why?? Just WHY?!
heavenandhell 0
Lmfao even if this is fake or not it still made me laugh
craphappens92 0
Snapple?