Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
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Top comments
breakthesky 0
...I'm not going to ask.
shortgurlsaywahh 0
wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?
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Comments (201)
ryalho 0
Ah... That was my second guess >.> ...
nypd613 0
how the HELL did you end up with it in a snapple bottle???! I mean come on man, and did you really have to tell her the truth about that? YDI
GothamKnight 0
I don't even want to know how it got there.
plexico 4
You did get a woman to look at your penis. That'll work.
redbluegreen 41
"Real Fact" # 984 A man's penis inserted into one the delicious Snapple™ products, will create a vacuum affect, causing possible bruising, puncturing, difficult removal afterwards, humiliation, becoming infertile, death, and several awkward questions from any ER doctor or dermatologist. Get all the "Real Facts" at snapple.com
redbluegreen 41
I couldn't resist. Hahaha. :D
Nikkir95 4
PFFT!! LOL HAHAHAHAHA UR SMART
oops_encore 0
Who the **** does that? Plus you need to ditch the Snapple bottles and screw a real ******.
ChelseaAnn08 0
Um...why was your penis in a Snapple bottle?
systemofaDaRy 0
dude... i hate when that happens its really difficult sometimes =p