Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to the doctor because of the redness and swelling of my penis, hoping that it was just a minor rash or allergic reaction. Nope! According to the doctor, who could barely stop herself from laughing, it's good old-fashioned friction burns. FML
Today, my son begged me to take him to the doctor for the weeping bloody rash on his penis so I had to take an unpaid day off for his appointment. The doctor laughed us out the door after it turned out to be a good old-fashioned friction burn. FML
Today, after getting home from being in the field for a week, my wife who's a nurse, convinced me I had a spider bite on my penis. After rushing to the ER and standing nude in a cold exam room while the ER staff checked me out, I learned it's just an ingrown hair. FML
Today, I went to the doctor's office for a regular check up. They found "odd red marks" on the inside of my thighs. They started to think it might be a skin disease, so I had to explain to my mother and the doctor that it was hickeys from my boyfriend. FML
Today, I woke up to large spot of blood in my underwear. This wouldn't be too big a deal if I didn't have a penis. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me there was a tick on my shoulder and that he would remove it so I shouldn't worry. After about a half hour, lots of blood, and a ton of pain, he told me it was just a mole. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
breakthesky 0
...I'm not going to ask.
shortgurlsaywahh 0
wow I dont know if I should feel sorry for you or if I should laugh at your stupidity? and random sidenote how small are you that you can weasel into the mouth of a snapple bottle?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (201)
darkmis1 18
I don't even wanna no........
lexilovesyou 0
LMFAO
Nacirema20 0
Ew...! you weird freak! YDI.
iKaite 0
But..... WHY OH WHY OH WHY!?!?!
_Noon_ 0
I second #8. And #10: WIN :D
Swagga_man_386 0
YDI. Your supposed to use your hands and lotion, not a snapple bottle. Haven't you learned anything from the movie "I Love You Man"?
sandrasavage 0
WIN. XD
omgitsseejay 0
Eww, I would've went with kool aid first, then worked my way up
skullbuster 0
OP, you deserve all of the ridicule that is going to be dished out here for not qualifying the reason for the Snapple bottle... There are 3 possible scenarios here: 1. Some guys, when they are in the car and have to take a piss, will grab an empty bottle and drain the vein so you don't have to pull over/pee on the side of the road. This is the least skeevy of the possibilities believe it or not. 2. You were masturbating with the bottle and got a raging stiffy that you couldn't easily pull out of the bottle. There are alot of these cases in the ER, mostly with teens and shampoo bottles (WAKE UP KIDS, IT DOESNT JUST GET LONGER IT GETS THICKER TOO!) Really, your better off with your hand and some lube. 3. You were drunk/high and lost a bet to some douchebag friends. Dude, this is the worst. All I can say is don't bend over for the soap if you are ever in the locker room shower with these friends of yours. Anway, my bullshit-o-meter was going off on one thing here and that was the "Snapple" bottle. I notice you picked something that has one of the bigger openings. Fess up here tiny, it was a Coke, right?
skatagurl 0
hahahhahahhhaaaaa nicee bet it was...
volleyballer18 0
this response just made my day. you just DESTROYED this guy
LinsKitty 0
you my friend, are ******* awesome. XD
Yanks903 0
You idiot...you shoul have lied.
rock_the_dreams 2
hahahaha. WTF did u do? YDI