Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
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Top comments
yoyoyowhatup 11
Who the hell invites extended family just to see what a parrot can say?
MrBrightside21 20
I taught my parrot to be a psychologist, so that whenever I talk to him, he says, "So how do you feel?"
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Comments (77)
nikkon416 13
That's hilarious.
TheChiver 7
This comment gives off the, "I wanna be first, so I'll just say two words" vibe. Strangely I read that in a very sarcastic tone as well...must be the excitement shown in the period.
GTAmax99 12
Shut up, bitch. Scraaaw!
joshiepo0 18
While it does seem that way it still sums up my feelings about this FML
nikkon416 13
Onion, um, I mean Chive, I will revise my comment for you. "That is hilarious! FYL under the assumption that your extended family doesn't have a sense of humor." Apparently, a first comment must be lengthy and exhausting. I should have just said "#1".
oj101 33
This is going straight to the favorites.
sens3sfailing 25
If you had said "#1" sirin would have changed the comment to something hilariously insulting. By all means try that next time. I could use the laugh
tylahgrace 12
I just love that the extended family is coming over to see what the parrot is saying, like that's an exciting thing and worth visiting you for
SquishFish 15
Teach it to say "mother in law" after the sentence
nava1210 12
"Shut up, bitch. Mother in law"?
meowman13 5
...to see *what the parrot can say... -.-
hama806 19
To hear
MorganBrown 8
Hopefully they will laugh about it and not take it too seriously.
MarisaCB 16
Their fault. Blame them. That's the truth, so tell it!
MidnaLink 35
Yeeeah! That's it! Two ten year olds will fess up to this! Good luck with that.
emeraldisle 30
At least it won't say anything boring like "Polly want a cracker?"
joshiepo0 18
But what if he actually does want a cracker??
RedPillSucks 33
Polly want a cracker? Inter species relationships rarely work out.
Enslaved 38
Polly wants a cracker I think I should get off her first I think she wants some water To put out the blow torch Isn't me, have a seed Let me clip your dirty wings Let me take a ride, cut yourself Want some help, please myself ~Nirvana
rikitsumiatsu 11
Could just teach the parrot to say "Polly wants his cracker or he gonna slap a bitch"
joshiepo0 18
Start spamming a new phrase.
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
Lol, "spamming"? It's a parrot not an electronic XD
joshiepo0 18
But it will learn a new phrase and hopefully say that one instead of the old one.
DEATHBYEX1LE 11
You might break the parrot though!
TheOnlyKittyKat 15
I wasn't suggesting it was a bad idea, I just thought the word he chose for it was kinda funny :)
hama806 19
That's great then you won't have to say it.
MrBrightside21 20
I taught my parrot to be a psychologist, so that whenever I talk to him, he says, "So how do you feel?"
Ajwc101 24
10, No words can explain how fucken awesome that is.
yoyoyowhatup 11
Who the hell invites extended family just to see what a parrot can say?
Pyapi 20
If the extended family lives near-by and they are close, nearly everything is a reason to go to the other's house.
cmac86 24
that or they live in a very remote part of the country (can't see where they are from since I'm using the android app, and it doesn't give locations).