Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, my two parrots decided that my head was the best place to have sex. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML
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Top comments
drayloon 50
Having a child is basically like having another parrot
UncleGrandpaw 6
why would your friend even teach his parrot to say that word?
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Comments (29)
UncleGrandpaw 6
why would your friend even teach his parrot to say that word?
MDoremis 38
Who said the friend even taught him that? The bird could have had a previous owner that taught it foul words, or even heard it when the tv was on and just started repeating it.
chuka81 27
Because there's nothing funnier than a foul mouthed, cussing parrot. How else would you wear an eye patch and pretend you're a pirate if your parrot can't cuss?
doubledeckerbus 15
Parrots have to be taught words they can't just hear it and start saying it
xDrakeNinja 12
The real question is, who wouldnt?
janfleury 19
If a word or phrase is said in a manner that makes an impression on the parrot and that parrot is an African Gray it takes 1 time for it to learn the word. That is why our African Gray says "Damn it Henri".
cwade71 17
Yeah they can
drayloon 50
Having a child is basically like having another parrot
Popeye2341 13
Why did the parrot even know the word **** in the first place?
thatweirdasian 22
The same way parrots can pick up any other word. T.V., radio, people, etc.
james_logan 19
Why is it that the husband always gets blamed? Down with sexism! Up with Masculinism!
thatweirdasian 22
What's this got to do with sexism? It's whether the parrot had taught the word to the child, or the husband did. Unless the parrot's a female human being, then I'm missing something her, lol.
emeraldarcher74 30
Yes! Because, like all things, this issue roots back to sexism solely! No other factors at play here. None at all! *sarcasm*
james_logan 19
Why don't people know when I'm joking? =(
thatweirdasian 22
Haha, sorry! I take back what I said :)
Dale_shackleford 13
Because sadly, there are a lot of people that would say that sort of thing seriously.
LiliK_fml 21
Why didn't your friend teach it something useful like; "Help! He turned me into a parrot!"
rockeditionbarbi 14
Get your own back. Teach the parrot worse words
purple_bunnies 20
That would be a bad idea with a 3-year old around to overhear and repeat them as well
zmanryan4 4
Parrot and child 1 Parents 0 Telling your friend what happen: priceless
SSJ4Asterisk 5
Tell her that the parrot is really saying "salt", but it has a thick accent.
bella_nana347 23
plot twist: this is the same op from the post before this and this is why his wife is kicking him out
trucker2 33
Kind of funny- my brothers parrot talks with a Lisp.. And sounds just like his wife..