Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
yoyoyowhatup 11
Who the hell invites extended family just to see what a parrot can say?
MrBrightside21 20
I taught my parrot to be a psychologist, so that whenever I talk to him, he says, "So how do you feel?"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (77)
outoftown 27
Time to this getting really old: five... four... three...
Jimbox_fml 3
Death is the only option at this point
spikekutter 9
talking to a parrot is all fun and games untill it calls you a bitch..
EnterFMLHere 17
Hahaha that's great, I fail to see the FML here :p
drzfinest062011 4
thats actually pertty cool lmao
Bacontree 14
You have a parrot in a household with a 10-year old boy. I doubt anyone will be surprised to hear that the parrot's been taught swear words.
Tegz0rz 12
I don't get how this is an fml. Especially if you're from Australia, the place where "bitch" is one of the more tame things people say.
Crzysht96 3
Just explain how the parrot was purchased like that...
BobbieH 19
Wait, you have extended family coming over to specifically hear what the parrot can say? FYL for more than the parrot saying " Shut up bitch!"!
nicholasj96 9
Ur family are entertained by a talking parrot ?