Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML
Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML
Today, my parents finally fulfilled my wish of a pet that I could take care of for a few years. They got a parrot. I guess 75 years or more is a few years to my parents. FML
Today, my brother and I found a little bird that couldn't fly. While trying to convince my mom that it couldn't fly so we could keep it, I lightly tossed it in the air and it landed a few feet in front of me. Then my cat grabbed it and ate it. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he was gay and that he is in love with my younger brother. FML
Today, I told my 10 year-old brother I was turning 23. He said, "You need to get a boyfriend." FML
Today, my little brother grabbed my boobs and wouldn't let go until I pried his hands off. When I told my mom, her response was, "Get over it. He's a little kid who doesn't know any better." He's 14 years-old. FML
Today, my brother bamboozled me out of 20$. He's 12 years-old, and I'm 17. FML
Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
Polly want uhh...breast milk?
Llamassss 21
I would imagine that would be pretty painful.
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Comments (72)
Welshite 40
Polly want uhh...breast milk?
slappygecko 21
Kurt Cobain would have had a doozy with that one.
brett1506 12
Today, I found out my girlfriend breastfeeds her parrot. FML
lonewolf621 17
Do you breasts contain sunflower seeds by any chance.
Welshite 40
#58: Why yes; yes they do. *fondles breasts lovingly*
soccerstar1996 18
I wonder how bad breast feeding a parrot would hurt...I mean it has talons and a beak digging into your ****
Soniye 14
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yetanotherginger 19
Polly wants a knocker
PinkieKeen 20
What's with these FMLs about younger kids convincing siblings to do and believe shit???
5oapbox 4
Close, they're more like bags of sand.
PhishloverA 14
No Polly wanna boobie
Llamassss 21
I would imagine that would be pretty painful.
ShyAnn29 15
Yes, being bit by a parrot does hurt!
ILoveMyArm 15
Wait, you guys are talking about how painful it would be for OP? Imagine the torment the poor parrot would have underwent, breast milk tastes horrible without sugar! Not that I have, um, tried it or anything..eheh.
Somefruits 24
@ 39, birds are lactose intolerant anyways since they aren't mammals, so milk is bad for them no matter what. Not to mention there's no suction with a beak!
ShyAnn29 15
I have 2 birds, a cockatiel, and a senagul parrot.
mcm_3 16
Indeed
green2go 14
72 your point is???
geekchick88 17
46 - Many mammals are lactose intolerant as well. It develops when they are weaned. In fact, humans have had to evolve the necessary enzymes to break down lactose because dairy wasn't a part of our original diets.
ShyAnn29 15
84, No point, I just thought I'd share, even though I know you all don't care lol
jesustitts 20
#39... Have you honestly tried breast milk recently enough to remember the flavor? Because I have, as I breastfeed my son. It is sickeningly sweet.
Somefruits 24
@ 96, yes, I know, there are still many cultures in developing countries where the adults are lactose intolerant. It's pretty cool how that happens. I was just pointing out that it would make the bird sick since birds never drink milk at any part of their lives (crop milk doesn't count of course, since it's composed of seeds). :P
ManInTheMachine 20
The parrot probably didn't help the situation. I imagine he probably taught it to say: "Thirsty for mommy's milk, BAUURGH!" In which case you should teach it to say something back, like "My brother (and boyfriend, apparently) has the brain of a carrot!"
CallMeMcFeelii 14
That's an insult to carrots. Those bastards are geniuses. They grow underground to stay out of the weather. Potatoes just wanted to be copy cats and jump on the trendy train.
aklm15 14
Well, do you?
Damian95 16
Yes, she does. That's why she posted this fml. Because she really does and she doesn't want people to know.
aklm15 14
i knowed it! Im so smrt!
aklm15 14
Jesus, I give up!
Ctrl_H 18
Try again 4th times the charm!
odamaliekh 26
#81 just got buried.
Olympiakos10 15
SQUACK! Polly wanna titty
mpsteve137 15
Your little bro sounds awesome.
Powerfull_fml 8
yet your boyfriend is most certainly a moron...
GuessWhatKids 13
How do you know it's her little bro? Maybe OP is just a 13 year old dating a 22 year old. ;)
lickastick 27
Can't get that mental image out of my head...
Larry01_fml 19
your brother is awesome
mario2012 18
What bird brained idiot would believe that other than OP's son's friend?
Jezzikah 11
Where did ops sons friend come into the fml? The op doesn't even mention a son
odamaliekh 26
Manipulative little brother or dumb boyfriend?
ManInTheMachine 20
¿Por Qué no las dos?
fakedsincerity 32
dumb boyfriend.
Uhscanherdarklee 10
Probably a little from column A and a little from column B.
martin8337 36
A little bit of both.