Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
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Top comments
yoyoyowhatup 11
Who the hell invites extended family just to see what a parrot can say?
MrBrightside21 20
I taught my parrot to be a psychologist, so that whenever I talk to him, he says, "So how do you feel?"
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Comments (77)
seansbro56 10
Why are they coming to just see the bird?
PenguinBitch 44
Hey man, the bird is the word!
GTAmax99 12
OH WELL THE BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD, BIRD IS THE WORD
sheethapins 13
Ba ba ba ba ba ba oom ma mow mow baba oom mow ma mow baba oom mow ma mow...
kalbrek009 20
I'd let everyone know about what they taught it to say & then wait to see what kind of words come out of their mouths when mom & dad start bitch slapping them for teaching the parrot words that they are even too young to be uttering.
LolFMLnot 10
Parrot brought the family together.
skyeyez9 25
My friend's african grey parrot hates me. He will fly over to to the coffee table and fling coasters at me. When I tell it to stop, it says "**** off." Birds are evil.
KetchupYoshi 3
It's hard to believe that any of that was true at all...
alycion 39
After spending time with an African Grey, it's very believable. Though if I didn't spend time with my sister's demon with wings, I probably would feel the same way.
skyeyez9 25
They are supposedly as smart as a 5yr old child. And yes, they can be rotten *****.
Abantiquo 7
African Greys are smarter than the Westboro Baptist Church combined. Let's hear it for incest. :P
MidnaLink 35
Let's not... and say we didn't.
kittygirl92 10
lol at least its the parrot saying it and not ur younger brother
Amama_fml 30
How do you think he taught it to the parrot?
lockedupnokey 9
You have a marvelous brother.
alycion 39
My sister has an African Grey. It only will pick up on things nobody wants it to. It likes to imitate sounds as well such as the microwave beep. And then when you go to find what is beeping he does an evil laugh. Best thing he picked up on though was my father's snoring. Such a symphony when they both start.
bushyyboy 11
the only thing my old parrot could do was call me a "pretty bitch"
misspulkadot24 17
Wait...you're saying your whole family is coming over to hear what your bird can say? Damn. Do you guys have a party every time you lose a tooth?
ROSI3TH3CAT 18
You having extended family come over.....to listen to a parrot???