Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my bird learned to mimic my fire alarm. It proved it to me at 3 am. FML
Today, my bird learned how to mimic the fire alarm after my dad has been testing them for the last few months. He now enjoys sounding like a fire alarm anytime I turn the lights off with the other bird joining in. They live in my room. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML
Today, I was showing off my new pet bird to my friends over video chat. I opened the cage to demonstrate how friendly he was. Instead of perching on my finger like usual, he flew out the window. I spent the next hour chasing him around the neighborhood in my pajamas. FML
Today, I set my parrot in the bathroom while I cleaned his cage, thinking he would be safe there. He was in fact safe, but not so the used maxi pad he chewed up. FML
Today, the smoke detector in my bedroom malfunctioned and started going off while my cat was asleep on my shoulder. He panicked and deeply lacerated my nose with his claw as he ran off. Blood got everywhere, and to add insult to injury the unit has no removable battery and wouldn't turn off. FML
Today, my house was so dusty that when I started to clean it, the smoke detector went off. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
EmilieAutumn 7
Just make sure you never have sex around him.
haZzbin 0
Could come in handy… if your house were to catch on fire and the alarm somehow didn't sense it
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (106)
marzipanimal 15
I bet the neighbors love you.(: just kidding..
morganmorgan 0
:/
Feared 9
I bet people will up vote your comment :) just kidding.
Naomimi_fml 6
I once read a book where someone is murdered and there was a parrot there and the parrot is able to imitate the sounds of the murder and reveal the murderer. Useful bird.
BarDownDaily 12
Cool.
JumbledGirl 2
My first instinct was to 'like' this
xxmel 6
Your comment would've been fine. And then you added the little kidding disclaimer.
btnhdude 0
20- That sounds like a cool story, bro. It seriously does, whats the name of the book.
ChronicBluntz420 7
Banshees are annoying in Mass Effect 3. >:
boydeee01 7
My parrot does that too actually. Our smoke alarm needed batteries, and his favorite sound is a "beep".
periwinkle95 10
29- I think that was the worst joke I have ever heard.
cyK0tek 0
I bet you people will soon stop giving 2 big sh*ts about thumb-count. Just kidding... :
P374RD3D 9
Some people on FML don't understand sarcasm. Trust me, the disclaimer was necessary.
F___M__L 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sucks hah
buck33 14
This comment is simply.. Genius.
TheFakeFamilyGuy 10
Actually 23 I think it was an extremely shitty comment.
lebronesque73091 12
I don't care for parrots too much.
ladyLALAA 29
I don't care for any birds, dirty flying bitches.
anthonydude 9
Yeah, like your comment.
Angel1000168 16
Sounds fun
IAdminIFlow 0
no it doesnt...
ALlamaOnFire 20
I'd hate to think what would happen if he overheard someone heaving sex...
yahoowizard 16
I guess 3 is willing to take the parrot off OP's hand then
Dandaman2078 4
That must have been the FIRST time it happened to you.
haZzbin 0
Could come in handy… if your house were to catch on fire and the alarm somehow didn't sense it
grahambertus 11
Are you aware of the story about the boy who cried 'wolf'?
TheZee 12
Yes, many are, what's your point?
hippyhater3000 4
he was trying to say the bird would just keep going off then when a fire actually happened Op would ignore it, thinking it was the bird... unforetunately he didnt think it over before he posted
haZzbin 0
Didn't think that comment through before I posted it. Well, guess i'll just crawl back into my hovel *scoot scoot scoot*
Bekll 31
Have the parrot listen to something more soothing for a couple hours and perhaps he'll mock that instead of the alarm sound.
xx000o 27
They don't work like that.
SauceySarah 30
Sorry but parrots are really freaking annoying. Just saying..
DooleyFTW 17
I know your comment got downvoted but it's completely true. Even if the parrot learned to say a couple of phrases properly, try live in the same house as it for a week and see if you don't want to strangle it. Source: I once spent a week In a friends house with a pet parrot and it is the most annoying creature I have ever encountered.
bioboy725 10
My friend's parrot was an asshole, it kept taunting his cat by saying, "here kitty kitty kitty." The cat was pissed at it.
ninjduck 0
All parrots are assholes. Fact of life.
kerrwoof 13
Gotta love those parrots! I'd want to snap that birds neck.
haZzbin 0
That's just freaking evil
EmilieAutumn 7
Just make sure you never have sex around him.
lovertolover 4
Teach him to sing song like the motto. That's useful.
nofearjenshere 12
Real nigga wassup.