Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML
Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML
Today, my 16-year-old brother managed to convince my 22-year-old boyfriend that I breastfeed my pet parrot. FML
Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML
Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML
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Top comments
yoyoyowhatup 11
Who the hell invites extended family just to see what a parrot can say?
MrBrightside21 20
I taught my parrot to be a psychologist, so that whenever I talk to him, he says, "So how do you feel?"
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Comments (77)
Jag_v 7
Bro troll
crazytwinsmom 25
I had a very proper elderly female relative whose parrot said "good morning goddamn it" to her every morning due to her brother's influence. She was not pleased.
cd8919 12
Just say there trying to make a new reality show about the parrot
Gunnie 24
I hope your family will not balme it on you!
Shmatterhorn 38
I'm wondering if your brother's grounding will end in time for his college graduation.
Xotoolyxo 16
That's so funny, just make sure guests stay away from where the parrot is
Kkkdawg 27
How. The. ****. Does op deserve this? :/
60cent 7
Teach to say " I'm just kidding' :)
buckdharma 38
Learn alot of really bad jokes and serve beer.
KiddNYC1O 22
Takes the parrots advice. "I don't know nothing".