Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML
Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML
Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML
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Top comments
IdontWanna69 8
Might want to consider getting a rape whistle.
jmk1469 5
You should quit the job or file a lawsuit.
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Comments (171)
EasternAdvantage 1
Don't get him fired, then he'll have too much free time, and instead of a weird boss, you'll have a stalker, he knows where you work :P hahaha
tennislove11 2
wow that is W.A.E.E.A.R.D!!!!!! if he does anything else, you should report him...well first tell him to stop and if he doesnt stop then report him.....or if it doenst bother you too much just laugh it off....or it would be really funny to do the same thing to him and see how he responds...if it ends up getting you fired then who cares...youll find another job
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
Please learn how to spell weird and use elipsis properly.
Shrike 24
*ellipses
bmkc4 1
*ellipsis
Shrike 24
No, the plural of ellipsis is ellipses. Only correct stuff that you actually know is incorrect.
ManInTheMachine 20
*eel lips
bmkc4 1
Blah blah blah
pavlovaaLOVE 7
eel piss*
sirsquab 12
*eclipses
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
*ellipticals
AnonTEARS 2
Haha I like you! xD
ILoveFluttershy 3
Maybe it's an initiation period. If you could put up with his weirdness, you can handle [almost] anyone.
JayDeLaGhetto 7
Unless you work at some kind of martial arts studio and he's demonstrating a move... you shouldn't have let him control your body like that..
blair_x 12
That's really gross and creepy. Just leave, OP, before he does something worse.
DocBastard 40
Where I come from, you'd officially be married after that little ceremony. Congratulations! When the men show up at your door later tonight with a donkey and 18 bowls of figs, your new husband will know just what to do.
ghirahim 5
Hey, he's back!
KirbyisEPIC 0
Where do you come from? That is...extremely weird. 0.0
rightspark 7
He must have turrets syndrome. Call him out next time tell him "what the hell is a matter with you" in a stern voice
DocBastard 40
Turrets syndrome? Is that where you repetitively shoot arrows at people from a protected position in a tower? Or would you be referring to Tourette syndrome which has nothing to do with anything having to do with this FML?
darkhakai 18
I'm beginning to see why everyone is so excited to have DocBastard back. His response above is made of pure win and was better than the original FML. In my opinion, of course. And what is with the numerous misunderstandings regarding what Tourette's syndrome is?
Warchamp7 3
DocBastard is God. **** with him, and you'll be embarrassed by his amazing knowledge, and vocabulary.
P1Nk13 7
i dont get it?? wtf is that supposed to mean? raising your arm and shoving the other into his armpit? ?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
I'm going out a limb here...but I'm going to assume that OP has two arms.
alexlovescandy 3
I'de quit and get a restraining order
zandalee 20
Trip him up next time he walks past you, then kick him in the goolies