Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today, my co-worker and I played a game where we give each other the bird in whatever creative manner we could come up with. Deciding to be sneaky, I hid behind a wall with my middle finger up as I heard him walking into the office. It was my boss. FML
Today, I was on my way to work and someone cut me off. I then switched lanes and sped past the person as I flipped them off. What I didn't notice was that the person that cut me off was my boss. He's been shooting me dirty looks from across the room all morning. FML
Today, I was awkwardly taking a dump at work, when a coworker in another stall started talking shit to me about our boss. I grunted and agreed, hoping he'd shut up and leave me alone. That's when a third guy sarcastically chimed in with insults from a third stall. It was our boss. FML
Today, my boss overheard me in a bathroom stall talking about how much I hate my job and couldn’t stand him. He didn’t say a word, I hadn't even heard him come in, I just noticed him staring silently at me through the crack in the stall, before leaving. FML
Today, I went to deliver some reports to my boss in his office. He was facing away from me and ranting about his "useless employees", so I slipped in and waited for him to put the phone down. Turns out he was talking to himself. When he noticed me, he bitched me out and threatened to fire me. FML
Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Today, I was in a meeting with my boss and superiors as well as our clients. About two hours in I started playing with the lid of the pen I was using, next thing I saw was the lid flicking up and hitting my boss square in the middle of the head. FML
Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML
Today, I was bored at my office, so I started flicking my pencils at my door. My boss walked in right then to give me a raise for my "outstanding" work. She scared me so much when she walked in that I flicked a pencil right at her face. FML
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Top comments
Pwib 14
Boom, headshot.
Marie54321 19
I bet you wished you had a real gun after you got caught
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Comments (68)
Pwib 14
Boom, headshot.
ChaCerCam 14
can first comment not always just be two words...
ChaCerCam 14
why does first comment always have to be two worded and not even funny?
23lf 16
'Cause the first comments actually cares about being first comment, not about being funny.
Almost_Positive 18
It didn't make any sense either
MiracleJuice 9
At least this comment was relevant, and I thought it was mildly funny personally.
sjbartholome 14
#13 I didn't realize there was a special magical arbitrary requirement that the first comment had to be funny. I personally believe that all comments should make sense and yours fails to do that.
MissSatan 16
Does everyone seriously not recognize the League quote?
Memma_fml 14
Well...I thought it was funny.
Akumie 6
I thought it was a TF2 refrence
Pwib 14
Alas, it was neither a TF2, nor League reference.
Marie54321 19
I bet you wished you had a real gun after you got caught
Almost_Positive 18
To do what exactly :o
purplebabytacos1 14
27, there are a lot of key factors that play a role. For starters, her sexual orientation and marital status.
MissStephanie 10
You don't get out much huh 34
Soviet_American 29
More like a time machine had been invented
feven 32
34 Its true the majority of adults are straight, but I still don't get why you would think its okay to risk your job status just to get out of trouble...
sometimessam 16
Yeah, that's a good plan. It will totally get you out of trouble and everything.
Marie54321 19
No one needs your sass #66
ChaCerCam 14
Hopefully you are a good at what you do and in a position where he can't fire you. Good luck with that OP.
Almost_Positive 18
It's not very legal to be fired for something like that.. Op's boss can probably give him a hard time, though
Respect101 17
I know it's different for every country, but in the US the bosses can fire you for little to no reason legally. Your next job would ask you for a reason to why you got fired, but if you don't have one they might just call your old place and ask what happened.
sjbartholome 14
Previous employers are not allowed to discuss why they fired their employees. They can only discuss things like length of employment and starting/ending pay.
enddmd 27
#49 they can lay you off but shaking unemployment benefits is near impossible if the employee wasn't absolutely dangerous, so many employers find it more financially logical to keep the employee (and usually urge them to quit, therefore severing their shot at unemployment claims).
StupidMonkey497 16
#26 Third buried comment on this FML smh
Broadway_Vayne 32
Definite ydi. Hopefully you don't have a running record of doing similar things behind your boss's back.
fsomelife 26
To be fair, this time didn't end up being behind her back. So if the others WERE behind her back, why hope he doesn't have a record of doing that?
AHandsomeCookie 4
That must have been quite boring considering that you forgot to check of she had actually left.
crissalove 22
You better hope your boss really likes you!
crackz12 10
suicides no joke motha fucka
Almost_Positive 18
ಠ_ಠ
_FML_Austin_ 12
Rip thread. It lived a short an obnoxious life, may it never be in our memories.
knippy 9
Ydi, shouldn't have done that at all, let alone done that without checking to see if your boss was gone yet. Hopefully she has some kind of sense of humor and let's you keep your job...
jellybeens_fml 16
Yeah maybe she saw it?? Don't know how you can hear a hand gesture.
mom_of_5 10
Sounds like you have a shotty work ethic. Maybe it's time to glock down your priorities and determine if your in the right line of work, or if it's reached a hollow point.