Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML
Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML
Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML
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Top comments
IdontWanna69 8
Might want to consider getting a rape whistle.
jmk1469 5
You should quit the job or file a lawsuit.
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Comments (171)
jmk1469 5
You should quit the job or file a lawsuit.
IsAbElLiCiA20 6
I just have one question after reading that awfully creepy FML.. How the HELL is he a boss doing weird, random, uncalled for shit like that?? FYL... I was very disturbed reading that, I couldn't even imagine that happening to me in person, let alone having to take orders from that wack job.
IsAbElLiCiA20 6
I just have one question after reading that awfully creepy FML.. How the HELL did this person become a manager doing weird, random, uncalled for shit like that?? FYL.. I was very disturbed reading that, I couldn't even imagine that actually happening to me in person, let alone having to take orders from that wack job.
xk75 4
Odd behavior is one thing, actual physical manipulation of a subordinate's body is quite another.... I don't think a call to a local employment/labor lawyer office is a bad idea.
zakkyzebra 11
Anyone else wondering what the "weirdest" thing their boss has done?
ednusi 7
And/or
Ameel_fml 19
"A lawsuit just because the boss does odd things?" Considering those "odd things" involve the physical grabbing and manipulation of a person's limbs, then yeah, it's considered physical assault (and possibly even sexual assault if the boss is doing it for sexual reasons.)
mxpklx 12
Sounds like he might have obsessive compulsive disorder. Or he has an armpit fetish.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#100 - I don't think you quite understand OCD is... Spelling out the whole thing didn't help your lack of knowledge, either.
ajeppsen 25
77- and or harassment
Kriyptic 8
22- Honestly, You need to stop replying on comments if your reply has nothing to do with the comment..
juwood 7
You must be an American if your first thought is to sue the guy.
terrykayez 6
Have a sense of humor.
MrStongray 2
Would love to see her work in The Office
godofswag 6
I only have two things to say WATCH YOUR BACK AND NEVER BE CAUGHT ALONE WITH HIM RUN BITCH,RUUUUUN!!!!
IdontWanna69 8
Might want to consider getting a rape whistle.
ant1078 7
If not, try the anti-rape condom for women, if you've never heard of it, check it out!!
FlavorlessPie 7
Even better.. One of those backpacks with alarms!
Axipiter 24
But if rape whistles prevent rape, aren't the creators of it just putting themselves out of a job?
geko911 22
19- they are theoretically good... With one major flaw... You still end up being raped! You might. Might catch the rapist but that doesn't mean the girls life isn't ****** up over it. Why I say might, I doubt you actually totally need a doctor to be able to take it off...
Renesaga 8
Good work, 32. You're ripping off of Bo Burnham's comedy. It's a stupid observation, and not meant to be taken literally. Rape whistle manufacturers aren't in it for money. They're in it to.. oh, I don't know.. prevent rape, maybe?
schmelia 10
32 - Obviously you're trying to make a joke, but it's not funny. Here's why: Rape whistles don't always prevent rape, and certainly don't prevent rape attempts. It's ignorant to suggest that. Rape is a massive cultural/social issue that a whistle isn't going to fix. It was stupid and incredibly insensitive to suggest that if someone were able to wholly prevent rape, they should choose not to if they could gain financially by not preventing it.
DigitalFusion 4
You should quit the job AND file for a lawsuit.
COOL__Coal 12
Real original
COOL__Coal 12
Smart, I wish I thought of that sooner.
COOL__Coal 12
Smart, I wish I thought of that sooner.
bennetts211 2
You should copy the first comment AND be unoriginal.
FMLshark 12
They posted two seconds after the first comment. They had the same idea. How shocking.
baddawg365 0
72- I think it's minutes
lunchladyliz 2
The first comment said 'or' this person is saying to quit 'and' file a lawsuit. Much different implications.
BunchieRules 31
117 - I agree that this could have been a reply to 1, because putting the emphasis on "and" made it sound that way. But maybe 2 didn't notice 1's comment because they were only two minutes apart.
mpj13 8
I wanna hear the other stuff he has done
ydi_4_suking 20
I know me too. As long as there is no ball or boob grabbage I don't think theres anything to worry about
TheDrifter 24
I dunno about that, it sounds like he's sizing up the restraints in his unmarked white van and this was just a clearance check to see if she could reach the door.
zandalee 20
Omg! He is!!
xblair 11
Weird bosses, FML wouldn't be complete without you.
juwood 7
27 - is that a real tattoo pic. If so...nice! Great looking tat!
TourettesGuyFTW 26
I wanna hear why OP allows him to finish doing the weird acts each time... instead of telling him to piss off..
cloud175 6
79, you seem to be very familiar with his situation... Are you perhaps, OP's boss?
zebrax1992 1
Well, you know. YOLO Just kidding.
1215116a 14
It is never acceptable to say YOLO. Even if you are kidding.
_Oblivion_ 12
I swear this stupid ass abbreviation will be the final words of the dumbasses of my generation.
Mischief109 11
Yolo is just carpe diem for dumb people
5n000w 4
YOLO
aleeshttylXD 9
ahahahah I thought it was pretty funny
fejj13r 0
YOLO is turning into the new "hey guys watch this!"
CockAsian 14
YOLO is an invalid statement. You live everyday. You only die once.
Helenarth 6
YOLO isn't even applicable here...
eddeeezzyy 19
Don't you dare "YOLO" me 5, I'm a ******* cat!
diesel1226 0
YOLO You Obviously Lack Originality ******
MorteEtDabo 5
Before stupid people of my generation starting saying YOLO did you think you were going to live twice? >.
HealingTrout 1
The **** is with people and "YOLO" it's like the word SWAG aka "Secretly We Are Gay"
kittykat1501 31
128 lol
hockeychick27 5
Lol ew wtf?
hockeyoceancity 13
Awwe the first comment.... You should have waited longer to pick a better one. :) Good luck next time!
_Oblivion_ 12
"Like omg that is so disgusting like he touched a guy eww." Really?
hockeychick27 5
I meant because he shoved her hand up his armpit, ass.
brewmasterg 34
Maybe you should.. I dunno. Tell him? Otherwise you could always call HR and say he's making you uncomfortable in your workplace if you have that kind of support available. If not, FYL.
the_anti_hipster 7
Something tells me OP's boss isn't going to respond to verbal requests unless it involves latex paint and a safe word. FYL op!
ohcoolstorybro 14
Come on, you know you like it
ant1078 7
You Australians are kinky!
zandalee 20
At least we don't fantasize about my little pony for the love of God!
zachherbert 10
Damn girl! I'm wanting Outback!
bmkc4 1
I would turn his nasty ass in
hockeyoceancity 13
I think it's his armpit you have to worry about...