Today, I spent 2 hours scrubbing puke off the dishes in the kitchen. Why? Because my moronic flatmate was dared by his equally moronic friend to drink a bottle of castor oil and then eat an entire jar of marmite. As a result, he projectile vomited all over all the dishes and left me to clean up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after I finished dinner, I was getting ready to wash the dishes, but first I needed to take my vitamins. I accidentally gagged myself and puked in the kitchen sink of dirty dishes. I had to clean vomit and the dishes. I vomited my entire dinner. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, at work, I watched a man throw up in his hands, dump the contents on his plate, then eat the things it "didn't touch." I had to wash his plate. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, I spent hours cleaning the kitchen that my slob roommates always neglect. I scrubbed the floor, emptied the fridge, washed all the dishes, etc. When I was done, I was thirsty so I got myself a soda. I opened the can, and it exploded and sprayed everything I had just washed. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
a1f0sff 25
Why did you clean them?? I would have demanded him to wash the dishes.
chocolateteacup 25
That's not your mess to clean up OP!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (16)
a1f0sff 25
Why did you clean them?? I would have demanded him to wash the dishes.
wafflefriez91 17
and if he doesnt do it put them in his bed.
jrod6485 9
no you should have put that crap in his room
chocolateteacup 25
That's not your mess to clean up OP!
lucasjames22 8
this is not something you had to do. and 2 hours???
Amy78_fml 11
I choose you deserve it, because you are cleaning it up. If was me it would be left to him.
Tarlachia 33
I'd have taken all the dishes he puked onto and dropped them on his bed with a note, "Do stupid things, win stupid prizes. You won cleanup duty!"
RichardPencil 32
This is when you steal your flatmate's credit card to hire a hazmat crew to decontaminate your kitchen while you spend a week in a hotel.
Sneaky1690 8
If you actually do it, it will only encourage him. Put this dishes in his room so they don't stink up the house. Buy new dishes (a small amount) and keep them in you're room. Clean them when you're done using them. Anytime his dishes go uncleaned in a common area for 3-4 days, put them in his room.
Sneaky1690 8
Your*
FMLMaximus 23
no way. no way would I clean up after that. he'd do it himself immediately or he would be finding a new place to live. I can barely clean up my own child's vomit without blowing chunks myself.