Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML
Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML
Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML
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Top comments
IdontWanna69 8
Might want to consider getting a rape whistle.
jmk1469 5
You should quit the job or file a lawsuit.
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Comments (171)
NYCBOII123 7
Ew. That's the weirdest thing ever.
Lionesse 15
My advice is, practice the JennaMarbles, How to avoid people you don't want to talk to face (If you know that youtuber) and just stand there with the look and see if he gets equally creeped out. If the look doesn't work.. um.. Huh. Never met anyone that was immune to the look. You may be SOL. But filing a complaint may work too.
Calyx_fml 22
And you just stood there and let him?
canjeelo 0
PEDOPHILE ALERT PEDOPHILE ALERT PEDOPHILE ALERT PEDOBEAR'S COUSIN IS COMING 4 U!!!!!! :()
kimg0885 23
What could be weirder? Does he ask U to ride him likepony and call him fluttershy during the morning meeting?
False_Stupidity 42
Get out now. If your a woman run then contact police if your a man punch his face in
Myo_fml 20
And why can't OP punch his face in if she's a woman or call the police if he's a man? You're kind of gender biasing there don't you think?
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
OP happens to be a female.
JasbAngel_fml 2
Hmmm, maybe time to consider a new job?
MrMeaner88 3
sounds like ur boss is trying to teach you self defense so you WONT be afraid for your saftey...ever, anywhere! ...Either that or hes looking for a reason to fire you "And as you can see on this hidden camera footage, she assumed a defensive stance and punched me under the arm for no reason the other day"
zandalee 20
Hmmm. Good point. Could be aware that big brother is watching and is trying to trick/trap you.... Either that or I am just sooooo bored at work today. Yawn
chacha2726 0
Wacko
armystrong88 1
If u punch someone hard enough in the armpit they will shit themselves
THE_A_TEEN 28
I doubt it. We need DocBastard to clarify.
MrArmy 1
No but if you stab them in the arm put you can kill them. Major artery there
Dracoboxer357 36
80- Growing up, I used to fight my brother a lot (with gloves), he was allowed to kick and I was not. Most of our matches, if I went for a wide hook, he'd toe-kick me up in the cluster of nerves in my armpit with everything he had, and while I did painfully lose total control of my arm for several seconds, not once did I ever shit myself. Not even close. Sorry friend, you seem to have been misinformed. :)