Today, my boss grabbed my arm, raised it above my head, closed my other hand into a fist, and pushed it into his armpit. After staring at me for several seconds, he winked and left without saying a word. This isn't the weirdest thing he's done, and I'm actually starting to fear for my safety. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss was being a total asshole. While in the bathroom, he turned his back on me, so I gave him the finger, mouthed obscenities, and pantomimed stabbing him with a knife. He was looking in the mirror and saw everything. FML
Today my Assistant Manager decided to pull a prank on me by walking up behind me and screaming my name. I screamed in terror and then swung around and punched him, full force, dead center in the chest, right in front of my supervisor, manager, and several other employees. FML
Today, while at work, a customer came up to me, stuck his finger in my armpit, then licked his finger. FML
Today, at work, I was walking to the back office, and I didn't know my manager was following me. After I walked through the door, without looking, I reached behind me to close it. Instead of grabbing the door handle, I got a handful of his crotch. FML
Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML
Today, my boss was watching taser pranks online, when he said he was going to "get me". We often take turns playing pranks on each other, and I was the last to prank him. Now I'm terrified to move or turn my back on anything other than a wall at work. FML
Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, my boss sent me to a meeting with a client I've never met to do some damage control and renegotiate his contract. For two hours, he alternated between threatening to sue us, and making vulgar comments about raping me in his office. FML
Today, it was a really slow day at work. One thing lead to another, and soon enough we were all taking turns shoving each other across the office on a swivel chair. Our boss came in during my turn, and I got singled out for a verbal warning. Everyone else got off with a disapproving glare. FML
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Top comments
IdontWanna69 8
Might want to consider getting a rape whistle.
jmk1469 5
You should quit the job or file a lawsuit.
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Comments (171)
FalconWhitaker 20
I would consider hunting for a new job. Also, if you have room, keep a small aerosol deodorant in your pocket. It's more legal than pepper spray and still hurts like a bitch if you go for the eyes. Just a suggestion.
Rocky007 15
Wow, you now know the company's secret handshake. Congratulations, you'll be promoted soon!
YourMoms_BF 2
He is trying to make you quit.
arbiter278 2
That is beyond messed up but you should definatly sue his ass for harrasment
RogueWarrior869 23
And now would be a good time to contact his boss and/or Human Resources.
ForeverAloneGal 23
I'm not really sure about what I just read...
TheyCallMeDamien 18
You might want to talk to HR.
noisebox 1
Sound like an space cadet with certified retard papers, how does a guy like that become a boss?
alannaclay 2
Ok I'm sorry but that is histerical
kmt12890 5
Next time tap mac in his ass crack. Bet that won't be the weirdest thing that's ever happened to him.