Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
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Top comments
BirdieCurls 25
At least she wasn't actually a corpse?
everton99 16
At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"
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Comments (76)
mechaix101 2
Man you must really suck at sex.
nicievans 9
Congratulations, you bagged a virgin.
Eleora 19
At least now we know you don't suffer from necrophilia... always gotta look at the brighter side of things.
Deviant_fml 5
Did you warm her up first?
Mish000 1
Hard for a woman to get excited about being raped. OP sounds like a date rapist.
jazzyp424 14
Maybe you didn't do something right...
haydenzare 4
Pewny peeper?
gkinaz 1
Uh...I was thinking the same thing.
lavalamp171 1
Doesn't matter had sex
rambleramble3 11
Don't look at me!!!
stoych 19
If you had been safe (and responsible!) you would never have needed to explain the lack of semen. She just wouldn't have noticed if you went to the bathroom and took the condom off.