Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
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Top comments
BirdieCurls 25
At least she wasn't actually a corpse?
everton99 16
At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"
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Comments (76)
RoseCrystal 17
You wrapped it up right?
worldclassrager 41
Vitamin E is the key to have better sleepy... I apologize for the lame pun...
powelale0000 19
I'm guessing you mean vitamin D
worldclassrager 41
No...in the **** industry they recommend vitamin E for a higher sperm count...vitamin D works as well but E is more effective...
shanannygians07 28
If you wore a condom she wouldn't notice the lack of cum? if you didn't ydi
FYlife604 18
Pretty sure condoms are clear and that its kind of hard to miss a big white blob in a used one...
mommy2cassidy 18
He blamed the lack of semen (aka cum) on a botched vasectomy...
kacironi 13
what did you expect when hooking up with a girl at a club?
martin8337 36
I guess that "dead girl sex" is better than no sex at all..
picturescrazy 24
You should wear a condom with chicks that'll **** any random dude they meet at the club, OP! YDI
SPARTAN11810 9
I guess you could say she was flaccid
cjwayy 22
That doesn't make any ******* sense.
x_the_lancer_x 13
Your comment makes me feel ashamed to be 14, seeing that you are the same age. I could have shit a better comment about this post, especially one that would have actually made sense.
BeepBeepSwerve 9
#53:oh my god you're 14 and can make a better comment wow...what do you want an award?
trey600rr 22
that's how I like them! Bwahaha!
thenamesjan 13
She was probably really loose, if you know what I mean
superdom 12
I hate how people criticize about sex so much it's just so personal with me :/