Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
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Top comments
BirdieCurls 25
At least she wasn't actually a corpse?
everton99 16
At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"
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Comments (76)
captainsmegma 12
But you had sex! ! Not all sex will be great sex.
Vickeh 15
At least you didn't end up as a necrophiliac
vikky538 29
wow..that sucks...
ocramavaf 15
evidently she dident
PokeZilla 9
Maybe she did that on purpose so she could leave. Then faked believing your story as a add on. But FYL.
soldier084 11
maybe she's use to "bigger" guys
SaucyGirl106 18
poor girl was probably thinking of England! YDI though. You got that far with her, what was a second or two more to ask her to do something to you that made her feel good? maybe she would've got more into it and you'd have benefited as well.
Miss_Scarlet 9
Men who only have one ******** don't typically ejaculate during an ******, so botched vasectomy is plausible. You just have just jerked off on her face since she didn't seem objectionable.
kalbrek009 20
My younger brother & a neighbor we knew years ago each only have one ********...idk where you got your info from but neither of them have ever had issues with that, as both of them have 2 kids each..can't make babies without ejaculating during sex...unless you are the rare one who's had that problem....I'd say maybe you're lying...lol
TisAPenguin 16
One of the many reasons not to hook up with randoms.
lvg_fml 10
Maybe she was drunk or high
ToxicTyrael 26
My exgirlfriend was like that, and when I asked her what happened she said "nothing what do you mean?" I found out that she did this to everybody and it was jusr her way of enjoying sex. Maybe it's the same here.