Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the quality of my sex life reached a new low. I faked my orgasm. And so did he. FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife, when she fell asleep. She then woke up and started moaning, clearly faking an orgasm. FML
Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club, and we went back to my place. I was finally going to lose my virginity, but just as she started kissing me, I panicked and ended up fainting. When I came to, I was still clothed, and she was long gone. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. Unfortunately, she started fake-moaning like a pornstar before I even entered her, totally killing the mood and my boner. She swore she hadn't moaned, accused me of not finding her attractive enough, and angrily left. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
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Top comments
BirdieCurls 25
At least she wasn't actually a corpse?
everton99 16
At the rate the post was going I truly thought he was going to say "and then I discovered she really was dead. FML"
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Comments (76)
MiracleJuice 9
In my opinion when girls drink, they are up for more in the bedroom then they usually would be. You never know this girl might just always have sex like this because no one ever told her any different!
mikaellikestacos 14
It bugs me that it's wrong grammar
tjsautop 3
Actually, it's NOT bad grammar. Call me presumptuous, but I'm guessing you're talking about his use of "lay." Let me explain: Lie = to lie down. As in, "She lies down to take a nap." Lay = to lay something down. As in, "She lays down the baby so he can take a nap." However, "lay" is also the past-tense form of "lie." So you would say, "He lay down to take a nap yesterday," and it's perfectly correct. So, just for review: "She just laid there like a corpse the whole time." = Incorrect! "She just lay there like a corpse the whole time." = Correct! Therefore, there is nothing wrong with OP's grammar.
thundermoo 16
I don't get this. Why didn't you just switch positions? Have her get on top...it's impossible for her to "just lay there" from that position (and many others).
Steephx0 23
Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it's good.
Queen_of_Night 20
I guess the old saying "Even bad sex is good sex." just met it's match. I find this kind of funny. As an asexual, sex just plain sucks. I feel for the girl!
siggy_mcsigx 22
Maybe she was drunk and/or high and could barely function in the first place?
MisterGasMoney 16
Doesn't matter, had sex?
anyoldnamewilldo 23
You wouldn't have to worry about explaining lack of semen....as well as avoiding STDs...if you used a condom. If you don't use condoms when you pick up a rando at a club, bad sex is not the worst thing that can happen. YDI just for your irresponsibility.
Migole 36
But it never said he didn't use a condom? You know you can see if there's semen in the condom or not, right?
drmisin 5
Why in the blue hell would he show her the used nasty condom.
withasmile 3
Maybe she was bored? There isn't a huge amount of feeling vaginally, so good sex for girls involve a lot of foreplay both mental and physical. You can mix it up yourself you know. Switch positions, switch speeds, slow is often better than fast, do some foreplay, talk dirty to her, ask her "do you like it when I do....?"I'm not saying she's not responsible for her own self though. But I wouldn't be surprised if she is probably inexperienced, or inhibited and could use some 'coaching' on how to be a better lover. Just don't ever be a jerk about it - good way to guarantee to ruin future sex.
missbhayv 4
Oh honey welcome to the world of us girls