Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Today, I’d been bi-curious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch-searing yeast infection from hell. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams, unfortunately she called me by my ex-bestfriend's name. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML
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Top comments
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
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Comments (225)
sunnyt 5
Genital warts.. still the girl of your dreams?
humorizer 14
I chose her BECAUSE of the warts, so yes.
the_anti_hipster 7
So she's a bitch and she has the vag warts! I bet her parents are SO proud. (PS: it's better to be a virgin with class than a bitch with an attitude problem. oh yeah, and a pesky STD...)
XxDevilxXGt 26
You're* as well. Someone has to do the dirty work. :D
jojimugo 20
I did not see that coming .... Almost fell out of my chair
tothenifty 1
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
why would u keep going if she had warts, desperate...
wickedwyatt234 3
Are you kidding me he obviously dosent want to be a virgin how can he be proud of that.
juunebug 2
It's treatable, she should get on that....you get them burned off like regular warts. Very low chance of transmission if she does that and then uses a condom every time and keeps an eye on herself for outbreaks (and then gets them burned off again if they pop up).
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Hah, what a filthy b*tch.
daisiebud 18
Mhm. She deserved it, too, for not telling him beforehand.
fluff23 7
He never said he didn't want to be one... Read it over again, genius. These days, virginity is like a rare gift... Seeing how people loose it so soon
whycantisignup 24
#78: What comment are you correcting? :s
Raz346 12
Hey, nightmares are dreams too! ;)
DKjazz 20
I just love the wording of this FML.
BrysGirl27 14
Just what I was thinking haha everything is all rainbows and butterflies...but then the genital warts come up:p what a mood killer haha
hockeyoceancity 13
72- I'm sure OP is thinking the same thing!
geko911 22
Yeah lol I read it all from top to bottom... Then I was like woah woah woah!! Did I read that right ?? OP there is no shame in being a virgin. I personally prefer being a virgin than a ***** hound. You'll find that perfect one some day.
gmc_blossom 21
72- We all know that, "It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along." Looks like they didn't compromise. 0.o
beccaishereyay 11
119- wise words from Adam Levine :) 2- I loved the wording to! When I got to genital warts I had to stop and go back because I thought my brain was ******* with me. Haha
reebokkid123 14
*too
Captain_Zorro 7
Actually, no.
HurryUp_and_BUY 6
^^Me too! I was reading then I saw genital warts...I was like wth?? I had to go back and reread haha.
8rabido8 11
Im very sorry you had to experience that
reallytho3 11
He shoulda checked the car facts if you know what I mean ;)
jessicaazzzzzzzz 3
She must also be the girl of many other guys' dreams.
hockeyoceancity 13
35- Car fax!
kittenvks 11
Car fox? :)
BryanThaMan 14
this is just as bad as those idiot comment spell checkers who go at it as if it's their jobs, smh...
379_fml 11
By sounds of it she's been around enough there should be a cuntfax report just like a USED car
goaliemkl123 8
There are four car fax references in this comment stream...... Next time yall should just copy and paste.
outoftown 27
57, If by "enough" you mean "once," which is all it takes.
downtime 13
Harsh comments when we can't even be sure they're genital warts. How many virgins do you know that can accurately identify an STD from what is possibly a natural phenomenon? You'll find all kinds of non infectious, naturally occurring abnormalities on people. We also don't know that she didn't get them as a result of a single long term relationship. But hey, I get it, closed mindedness under the guise of intelligence is all the rage these days, so have at it!
maddisonNicole 3
Probably would of been more sorry of he actually caught it (:
isuckok 11
Maybe he wasn't a virgin and she just thought he was inexperienced, so said that.
THEDUDE1553566 24
#193 SHUT UP YOU SOUND STUPID
thereseg69 7
She's a pig
hockeyoceancity 13
****** bitch.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No way, pigs are awesome. They're bacon. She's....a sperm dumpster.
onlychildFTW 34
137's got it right. To many sperm donors for that bank!
xx000o 27
I would eat a pig, no way in hell wo
Skittles_Rawr 8
No wonder she has an STD.
BryanThaMan 14
Guess you jumped the gun without doin your research there buddy! Somehow I still feel slightly bad though, that sucks
Daftendirekt1 0
True but to be fair, chances are she wouldn't let it be known that she has genital warts. He probably went in without knowing. Other than that, 100% agree.
SovietBarney 8
Ask her if she even gets any with the grotesque genital warts.
nikkimizu 12
Yes, how dare you for not wanting to get her genital warts :P
brill33 7
Licky, Licky, Licky like a peppermint swirl....... with warts
SqueakyChipmunk 22
*gag*
Daftendirekt1 0
26 - That is somehow surprisingly graphic...
roswelluga 4
wrap it and go for it!
MustangGirl72 9
Please tell me that was supposed to be sarcasm.
botanistjessica 24
I think I just threw up a little.
katiebrynn 2
Ugh! Eww..
dsbs 9
Condoms don't protect you from stds
PsychoticAsylum 26
Please tell me you're being sarcastic or I'll be forced to assault your Sex-Ed teacher.
maddisonNicole 3
Yes 162, because condoms being the neat form of prevention of stds is just a myth made up by advertising agencies to make you spend your money...
hockeyoceancity 13
I'll be a virgin over having gential warts anyday.
skittlesmeep 4
So true 0.0!
hellproof023 6
But I mean if you only had ONE chance ever to have sex (hypothetically) then would it matter ?